2008

Back in Brunei. And it is New Year's Eve. hahaha. somehow there is an irony somewhere in that sentence but i cant figure it out. The brain of mine just is not functioning of late. Just tired i guess. I just cant wait to see the gf again. Recharge my energizer bunny batteries haha. Aih. Hols are sickening. Plus I got my stupid COP to do this week before i go to Msia on the 6th, and then the 3000 word report. Ring in the New Year 2008 in style.

Yea and sorry no pics of HK or China, just too tired and bummed out to load them. And as usual the net is too fucking slow.

Let me go home.

Not too early i think

It dawned upon my simple mind that important days and events in your life become so much more meaningful and important if you actually have someone else to celebrate it with you. Your parents. Siblings. Relatives. Maybe even business partners. Loved ones.

I used to treat Christmases and birthdays as just another day to get gifts and whatever you want. However since this year I resolved to look at things from a different perspective (yea yea it was my New Year's resolution thing) and hey, I guess it is so much better. Birthdays have become a day of real joy and surprises and getting your head dunked in not one, but two cakes after ppl have come knocking on my door at midnight. Thanks guys. =) And this Christmas I was really looking forward to it since I am now fully back in the path of the Lord, and I wanted to celebrate it in all its glory with that someone special in my life. I guess that would just have to wait until next year then.

With Christmas and New Year's all coming up, I really thought that this year was brilliant. For me. Maybe not so much for the world with protests, global catastrophies, the Darfur incident and so many other unfortunate events occurring. Perhaps it is time to really look into ourselves, not only as individuals, but also as a colony of homo sapiens. Maybe world peace isn't ever going to work out. Maybe there will always be war and fighting. Maybe the world is coming to an end. But then it never did hurt to try before, and I guess it wouldn't hurt to try and wish and pray again. Who knows, there might still be hope for us. God didn't cause all these disasters, we inflicted them upon ourselves. Such is life.

But hey, I am an optimistic fool, so these things wouldn't bring me down. I have my lovely gf to go back to next year in February, hopefully January, so the year ahead still looks as good as before. Plus a whole new year in IMU to try to do some good and make some changes. I don't know why I am posting this now, but it doesn't matter.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone in advance!

daisy daisy

Warlords watched. I think the director had some idea that the movie had to be as gory and violent as possible for it to be a good movie. Close enough. Relatively one of the better movies i have watched.

Oh and ManUtd 1-0 Liverpool.

Liverpool = cunt team number 1.

and i have survived 2 weeks in Brunei. Another 2 more weeks to go till the end of December. I hope I can still remember how to life hectic and as a med student when i get back. Cuz the life here is moving as fast as a snail.

Anyone who wants me to get anything for them (reasonable items except for the gf who is free to request) in China/HK pls do let me know? I'll do my best to get them for ya...=) No promises.

Brunei says hello

So Christmas is coming. The birth of Jesus. In all its glory. Though not celebrating it in Msia with all my relatives, gambling and playing cards, it should be fun in China. I hope. And HK too. The urge to splurge for this festive period is just so damn strong haha. Hey it is after all good for the economy of the world's banks too isn't it. Just doing my part as a citizen of this glorious world.

Right.

Other than that, nothing much goes around here, no sir. Unless you wanna noe about CVS. Blood flow to the upper and lower limbs notes are such a pain in the gluteus maximus. So is the usual patho. Hmmm. New movies also not up to standard. Golden Compass and I Am Legend do not warrant a second watch from me. I might not even watch it if it wasnt for the special effects and Will Smith. And Nicole Kidman. Hope that Warlords (which my dad of all ppl insists on watching soon) and National Treasure 2(the 1st one was brilliant) would be good and not waste my B$7.

Numb

Numbed by emotions.

It feels like a giant wave crashing down on me.

Again and again.

No matter how i try to stay afloat, it pulls me down. Drags me away from shore. But it is then I remember that there is my God, who is greater than all my problems. And I believe again. That we'll be able to make it thru this hell that is 2 months.

And no dear, I wouldn't give you up. I can only hope you feel the same bout me. Everybody is like breaking up and stuff, and I don't want that to happen. Not to us. Ok?

I hate this hols.

< 2 left

My baby finished her minor exam just now. And called me and told me it was good. =)

I am still and will be bored in Brunei. The only thing I can take heart from is the fact I am going to HK/China in a week's time, and that there is less than 2 torturous months left. Whoopee. =D

And this stupid business of barring and un-barring postpaid phones is really getting on my nerves. Rarr. I mean, if it is still barred by next week, how am I supposed to keep in contact with her in HK? I wouldnt be bringing my laptop either, so no internet. Sighhh.

hope

We made it thru 3 months. I am damn happy that we did. =)

Though it was a turbulent past few days. I honestly hope we can just keep going till i get back in February. Then it will all be ok. Sigh.

These are hard times indeed, but i believe.

3rd on 11th

Brunei is boring. No updates. Parents had major arguement. Now are good.

Later watching Enchanted with my sister's friends. Just to remind myself of my gf more. Hmm. How sad.

Our 3 months coming soon. =) It will really be better if i were there, but...sigh. Just ave to make do.

I still thank God everyday for you. For bringing you into my life. For everything you have done for me and we have done together. I love you.

Back in time

Went back to my Sixth Form college, JIS, this morning, took some pictures of it. There were some changes, and all the teachers remembered me. Nice. And now most likely my sister is going there too. It's an international school, so yea.

The 'front yard' where we assemble during fire drills. Gate at far end is entrance.

The Maths & Tech block

Inside the compound - the swimming pool is shaded

And indeed I still miss my baby more than ever =(

Live updates

I am celebrating Xmas in China. Not HK. Though I am going to both places. Hmm seems weird celebrating Xmas in a country primarily full of Chinese and Buddhists. Ah well. It might still be fun. And chatting through gmail is strange. But hey, if that's the only way i can talk to her, then so be it. =)

Anyway Brunei is still as dead. CVS is a bitch. I'm just studying in hope that the days will be less painful and pass more quickly. 66 more days.

What fun.

Is there seriously nothing else to do here in Brunei other than study my bloody CVS notes? Goodness. Ok so I'm going to make a new pair of specs (baby what colour?) and cut my hair soon before going off to HK, but that is in weeks. Oh and maybe I might be popping by KK with mum and Jayne as mum has business there. So I'm gonna crash at Dom's place most likely. Good fast internet here I come. Can't stand dial-up here in Brunei. Selfish dad. Rarr.

And I am trying very damn hard to try to concentrate on my studies and enjoying my hols but all I can do now is miss her so very badly. Aih. Never thought that my end-of-year hols would be this dull and sad. And never thought I need to force myself to enjoy hols. Amazing.

Ah well. CVS notes look quite interesting when put into perspective actually. Plus I have the ever amazing Papa Patho. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, it is looking to be a holiday full of excitement and joy and fun and shit.

Bollocks.

Boring.

Well, my first post back in Brunei. Nothing new, as usual.

I miss my gf. And I can't show any emotions. How shite isn't it.

So I am going to read my CVS notes (yes I am such a sad person, but there's nothing bttr to do), and then watch House later at 10pm.

I hope I can sleep tonight, seriously.

Be strong now....who am I kidding?

It has to come to this. I knew it; we all did. And now the clock strikes 11.30am, and I know that time is short. My flight is at 5.30pm, and I am leaving at 3pm or so.

God knows I am going to miss her.

Decided to try what Pei-wen did...haha

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Not what I want

How did I pass with an F for SAQ? How DID I get an F for SAQ?? I honestly thought I did badly for that paper, but an F is just way too ridiculous and impossible to get even if I tried. Maybe I should file an investigative report thing to the uni's admin.

Life is full of decision-making. And yea I know that everyone here knows that too, it's just that sometimes there are just harder ones to be made. When is it that a decision becomes ethical or not? When does one decide to pull the plug or not? Is a lie always bad? Is it sometimes acceptable to tell a white lie? Lately my mind has just become numb thinking about these things, and coupled with other issues, I feel like I'm going crazy. Fear. Worries. It is difficult to even say what is on my mind. Some people will get affected and offended and so on and so forth. So eventually, we all just shut up and become mindless parrots of the society.

I was thinking just the other day about the things for me to do during my holidays. Studying was the first thing that popped into my mind. Then came the HK trip. Then during all of this I became more and more aware that I am going through all this without her. Yea the hols will still be fun with my family and all, maybe some of my friends are coming back from overseas, but it just wouldn't be the same. Wouldn't be the same at all.

So many things to do, so little time. Ah time. Good old time. Who waits for no man. If only I can stop time, or buy time. If only. And speaking of lack of time, I'm having a difficult time deciding which other movie, other than Enchanted, to watch. Stardust? Beowulf? Hitman? Orang Minyak?? Paris Hilton's hidden sex tapes??! Tough tough decisions to be made.

Collective sigh

Passed.

Thank God. I really do.

I guess sometimes it takes the worst moments in life to make you really see that the world is indeed a beautiful place to be in. I've never felt this thankful/lucky/blessed before in my life. To say that I am relieved will be a down-right understatement.

4 more days!

=(

Don't fail

Results out in 2.5hours. And I am nervous like never before.

All the times before I was worried that I will not get the A or highest mark or something. Now I just hope and pray to God that I can pass.

Mistakes. The meaning of humble. All learnt.

It ain't easy

No resits for the OSPE paper. However results out tomorrow though. I just want to pass. I don't think I did well at all this EOS, so as long as I pass and get through this, I'll be happy. Please God just let me pass. Then we can all go to Shogun and have a nice birthday celebration for Dom - which incidently is the last meal we will all eat together before the long holidays. Which I come to detest more and more each passing minute. And watch Enchanted with her.

Weeee

Went clubbing after a very very long time last night. Elaine got drunk as usual. And I, for once cuz my girlfriend was there too, got more than just a little high. I think I slept the entire journey back home to her place. It's the first and probably the last time I'll get this high. Or drunk. Whatever. But it was a fun night.

And we are supppose to know if we were to resit our OSPE paper today. Probably very soon. I sure hope for the sake of all the people who didn't bring their phones we don't resit. I don't want this to disrupt my holidays either.

7 more days. Sigh.

Happy 22nd...

It is Elaine's birthday tomorrow and being Elaine we are celebrating it at Mystique (a club if you must know) at about 11pm later tonight. Supposedly I was expected to reach there earlier, say 10.30pm but then I'm having to attend another party at Shah Alam with my girlfriend. So both of us stayed up till about 4am yesterday/today - depends on how you see time - to make the cards.

The front

What's inside

Yep and being the joker I am, the whole card was just random stuffs pasted together to form more randomness. Ahh the genius.

KLCC

Went to KLCC today with her. Decided to go there to walk about instead of Midvalley, since we are oh-so-classy and rich bastards anyway. And also because Kinokuniya was there. And I finally decided to buy books.
Read more about it. Especially the Maddox one. Probably you can check it out here. Please do.

And on the way back from KLCC in the LRT station, we noticed shockingly disturbing stuffs about KL-ians. Or maybe it good. Disturbingly good. (?) People were actually queuing up to get into the LRTs. I was so shocked that I couldn't react fast enough to take a photo of that miraculous moment. Pity. But I did get this. Typical scene of the LRT during rush hour. I was squashed against the glass screen at the end of that cabin.


Oh and I want nothing much for Christmas. Just my girl to be with me, and THIS. The Sony Vaio LM. That's all, nothing fancy.

Post number 100.

One century. If only all of us have that long to live, oh wouldn't it be nice. Or not depends on who you are. With the world in chaos and disarray, one can only hope that the United Nations will be more effective. With so many new wars and conflicts, it seems that the only way that the world is moving is backwards, and there seems to be no answer that all parties can be satisfied with. So where is the world headed for? I suddenly thought of the UN because she said last night in the car that she would love to work for the UN. Which was what I wanted to do as well last time. Be the first Malaysian to hold the Secretary-General post. Since the first Asian post is already taken up by Ban Ki-moon, who is the current post-holder replacing Kofi Annan, and SEA already had a holder in U Thant, a Burmese, who served from 1961-1971.

I have no idea why I just became so political minded today. Maybe it because there is nothing else better to do today than just laze around and letting the mind wander....wander...wander...maybe I should catch up on reading my novels. My Agatha Christie has been stuck on the same page since the last time I read it in Pangkor.

And mum just confirmed the HongKong trip is to be on the 24th of December. And you have no idea how much I long to bring her along with me. Argh. This promises to be a looooooong holiday. And lonely Christmas.

EOS, check.

It is finally over and then with. Hopefully.

But then I might have to re-sit. We ALL might have to re-sit. Thanks to the 30 people who brought their phones into the quarantine room. Maybe it isn't their fault, maybe it is. I would think that it isn't. I mean, it wasn't like they brought the phones into the exam hall. It was after the exam in the quarantine room, and only one person who actually took out the phone. So we all had to be body-checked. By some horny-looking IMU security guard whose idea of a full body search was to tap on people's waists and that's it. He didn't even bother looking in my bag until I forced him to. Idiot.

Yea so decided to have fun yesterday anyway. Went out to MidValley with her, shopping for her dress/slippers. Bought a pair, RM100. Then met up with Geowin and Dom at night for dinner at Chilli's. Haven't ate and laughed like that in ages. Ah it feels good not to have any pressure on your shoulders. The last time we ate in Chilli's was months ago, so it felt good to be back, just talking and having fun. So it wasn't that hard to think about the fact that I will not be seeing them and my other friends for 2 whole months. True there is MSN, but Brunei being Brunei, and being my house there with no wireless and the only net is dial-up (!!!), it is going to be slow and troublesome. Ah well. And I am so going to miss her.

Push

My whole life I have been under pressure to perform. And it is not any different now. In all aspects. Must get this, must do that. Ever since primary school. Studies. Badminton. Basketball. But I guess once you get used to it, it is fine. And honestly sometimes I do feel that I perform better under some pressure. Else I will just slack and slack and be lazy. So if I have offended or made anybody angry, I am sorry.

Tell me once and it wouldn't happen again.

Virology II

Tomorrow is Sunday.

And Monday the day after.

Scared? Nervous?

I bet you are.

I am.

Prepared?

I hope it's enough.

CHECKLIST
1) Covered Sem 1 & 2
2) Covered Sem 1 & 2 again
3) Past year questions
4) Group discussions
5) Prayers. LOTS needed

Someone said this to me I just can't quite remember who, but he said that being a medical student you will always find that no matter how many times you have studied you will never feel that it is quite enough, and the urge to just continue reading and reading like a paranoid maniac will always be there. I guess I wouldn't know THAT feeling haha. Joking. Not. No seriously I am.

Even now as I am typing this I am memorizing Parvovirus B19 causes aplastic crisis, polyarthralgia if it is transmitted by blood transfusion, erythema infectiosum if by aerosol and hydrops fetalis if it is congenital. Brilliant.

Gone till Thursday

Lent my laptop to her brother today, who has to finish his assignments. And he spilled milk on his laptop. So I will be laptop-less till Thursday. Which may be a good thing actually, no distractions till EOS is over. Well for 2 days.

Which brings me to realize how much I have actually depended on my laptop all these times. Music. Movies. Games. Chatting. Downloading. Blogging. Kind of wasting a lot of my time using my laptop come to think of it. And now I feel like I'm having withdrawal symptoms. How stupidly amazing. That I, or we all, spend so much time in front of the computers that you cannot live without it.

Well almost anyway.

Rip

Stupid Astro. Sportcenter stated yesterday that there is to be a basketball match to be televised this morning at 9.30am - as usual - but instead they are showing freaking tennis. Thank goodness that the match tomorrow is the one that I really want to watch. And the online Astro Guide is atrocious. Well, as they say, there is nothing better to start off the morning then, erm, I forgot, but it was something nice. Not slow Internet and worrying about exams. And ridiculous changes in program listings.

Can't believe there is so little time left. December, I thought, always seemed hours and days away.

Sigh.

Gruelling

That's the only word to describe today. So far. Revising the pharmacology section with Elaine all noon. Realizing that there are still parts left to cover. And so I did.

Life is beautiful indeed. Not a sarcastic sentence.

Har har.

It is 2.30am and I am not sleeping. Yet. Yet again. Been picking up the pace and doing more last minute revision stuffs. Nothing much, nothing much. The world is a sad, cruel and boring place if you make it out to be. And well as much as I regret saying this, I am making it out to be like that. Especially these days near the exams.

I need to get crazy before the biggest Monday of my life. So far. Maybe with help from Zakhir. Or my good old friends. The best medicine really is laughter. Sometimes one works so hard aiming to reach a particular target that one forgets that it is the simplest things in life that matters most in the end, after all the dust had settled and time flies by you like Micheal freaking Jordan. Before you know it, you are the breadwinner of your family, paying the bills & taxes, buying insurance policies to protect your family, making important family decisions like which holiday site to go to if you have the budget, getting the groceries and getting up early everyday to get your Ringgits. And oh did I mention soon you will be grandparents and turn 99 years old? Well I just did. Boohoo. Welcome wrinkled skin. And no sex. And you are 99. Did I already mention that?

So I guess what I am trying so hard to say - and maybe failing to - is to life your lives everyday. Life is not all about exams. Have fun, do something crazy that you can relate to your kids and grandkids in the future. AND be proud of it. Don't assassinate President Bush, for example. Don't burn the MMS down just because the models for OSPE are inside. Don't set up any sexist or racist groups. Don't hate God and turn to idolism. The last one is a damn serious DON'T.


p.s: Above does not apply to medical students who dedicate every second of their marvelous lives studying and worrying about exams. Exam IS life. Isn't that great or isn't that great?

6

Can't really believe it. 6 more days to EOS! Study study study! And I am so tired. Can't wait for this to be over then I can be free. Though only it is just for a while. I'm too stressed up, I need to relax. Else there is not really much use in studying either. Info will just pass through one auditory canal to another, though that is absolutely ridiculously impossible, medically speaking.

STRESSED OUT.


Then again, whoever isn't now is, well, gonna get it from me for being such a nerd and finishing and remembering everything. Relax. I don't know why I am so stressed up either. Not like i don't remember anything at all. It's not going to be a disaster. But with all the people around me going bananas as well how can I not be? HOW, how you tells me? Tells me!!!

Hopeful. With a reason.

Could barely sleep last night. 20 more days.

Just thinking and thinking and thinking.

Why does this always happen to me? Relationship-wise I mean. It is always the distance. It was before just a year ago, and it might be soon. This heart just can't take any more pain. Just have to anticipate the worst, but then again I'm always hopeful. Being the hopeful fool of a person I am. I just want this to work. Seriously. She might not be perfect, but then neither am I, but together, we just might be. So just give this a chance. Hey if my roommate can keep his relationship going for more than 2 years mostly here in KL while his gf is back in Kuching, I'm not comparing or anything but surely we can overcome this 2 months. Right? =)

Oh and I realized that doing Medicine, though tough and all, might just be the right course for me. I mean, I still love literature and writing and such, but come to think about it studying medicine ain't that bad. And coming to IMU sure has its blessings-in-disguise. Imagine if I took the Monash offer. I would totally not know all the great people I get to know now, and especially her. So if God has guided me this far, He wouldn't desert me. Ever.

Take 2

Woohoo. So the 2nd month has arrived. Ok so I didn't prepare anything special for her. But don't blame me, the bloody EOS studies and cold/flu thing just killed me the entire day yesterday. Only to find out that I am prefectly fine when I woke up this morning. Whoopee. So we went to 1 Utama instead in the noon/evening. And ate like pigs. When all we wanted to do was go to MPH and get the 'Alice in Wonderland' book. Ate ate ate all the way while walking. And she watched Ultraman which was showing to the little kids outside a DVD shop. COOL. Oh and did I mention that she was wearing heels?? Yes she was. Oh and she looked great. Yea the whole day was great actually.

Can't really wrap my head around the fact that my EOS is actually in a week's time. I seriously don't know what else there is to do. Done the notes. Done the questions. And then done the notes again. And then the questions again. But I still feel like an idiot. Feel as if I do not know enough. Or anything at all. I am confident on one hand and paralysed with fear in the other. Never felt this way before any exams. Right should stop rambling. Yep.

And it just came to my mind again that I will not be celebrating our 3rd and 4th together. So I guess the 5th will be the best ever then. Pray it will come. Pray it will come sooner.

Cold

Oh God I am falling ill.

Last night...

Watched Balls of Fury yesterday at Midvalley with her. Decided to take a little time off studies. Movie was hilarious in the lame way, but not stupid lame. I actually thought that Jack Black would have played the leading actor very well, if they did cast him instead. SO after the movie, we went shopping, bought some stuff then went for dinner. At a restaurant. I would not mention names. Why? Because after I finished my main course and was now eating the side dish, which by the way was not tasty, thick dust started raining down on me from above. From the ventilation system.

Sick.

Told the waitress, who immediately apologized. Ok fine, accepted. Was not in the mood to argue and stuff. So we told her to give us a refund for the side dish since it was not that tasty anyway. Guess what she did? She gave us a new plate of it, when we already worked so hard to finish the last plate. Wonderful.

Anyway I'm not making any more progress with my studies. Seriously. I feel like I am missing some topics but can't think of anything. Time will tell I guess. Time will tell.

Paradoxically parod-ick

A parody of life around me, summarized in a T-shirt. Front and back. Jolly good, no?




Yea just for laughs. We were bored from studies so she used her superb photoshop skills. And my brilliant ideas obviously.

Built to Last muffins

Decided on an impulse to bake muffins. Banana choco chips muffins. Why I don't remember. So we decided to go out to The Store and get the ingredients that where needed. We got the recipe off the net by the way. In case any of you were wondering if I did memorize the recipe. I didn't.

After getting the goods, went back home, and started to work on the muffins. Weighing the flour, butter, sugar. Mixing all of them in a mixing bowl and stirred and stirred. The dough was ridiculously hard so i decided to ask my mum if it was natural for it to be like that. Apparently it is. So after placing the mixture into cups, we waited patiently for them to be ready. And after 10 minutes they were. Took them out, tasted them. Weird. Not like muffins. More like tar. Ok not that bad, the taste was good but the texture was more like bread. We were pondering what went wrong, retracing our steps.

Then she asked me, "Did you add the baking soda?"

So while she was doing her pbl last night, and I was studying for EOS, it dawned upon me that we haven't taken a photo together for quite some time now. So yea we took one. Or two. A few.

And so on

And Carmelo Anthony. Hmmm not so sure about the selfishness part since I was the leading player in assists. And shots taken. Whoops.

Your Score: Carmelo Anthony

50% Speed, 80% Selfishness, 70% Skill, 40% Athleticism

'Melo is a terrific player with a bright future, but his petulant streak sometimes hurts him and, let's be honest, he's not as toned as the upper echelon of NBA athletes. He's quick on his feet, loves to run the break, and is a threat from anywhere on the floor, which is a good part of why Denver was a seventh seed in the west last year, and would've been higher if not for a dismal start to the season.

Link: The Which NBA Player Are You Test written by dgc20e on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Led Zep

So apparently I am the lead drummer of Led Zeppelin. Awesome.

Your Score: John Bonham

43 depth, 39 controversy ,55 talent

A good helping of talent and a bit of an edge, you are most like John Bonham. Loving the hair.

Link: The Which Musician Am I? Test written by on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Subtle subtle

It's amazing how things can change in just a blink of an eye. I hope that whatever we do now is built to last. Though sometimes no matter what you do or say will never change what is destined for us. All the tussling and turning will be deemed insignificant if the heart is not willing. Let's hope it is mutual.

So the weekend just flashed by my very eyes. Work done was very little. Pray today will be a better day for studies. Really have to get my mind around the fact that there is exactly 2 more weeks left. Well thing is I have already finished one round of the studies but as most pple have told me that is not enough. So on to my second then. Very depressing.

And thanks for the gift baby. By the way it is 'dig' not 'digs', my bad. But it is fine, it is an awesome gift. I was stunned when you gave it to me, you were not feeling well and still you went thru the trouble and effort and time to place all the pieces together. Thanks. And it is amazing what the nights can do. Haha.

Fear

So it's the weekends. Guess what? Have not been studying. At all. Apart from the memorizing of the few facts this morning when I first woke up. Just not really in the mood to study. Things are tough, and I'm extra-sensitive to everything said and done lately. I just keep fearing for the worst, though I don't know why I should be. Ah the joy of being confused.

Don't be afraid, I am here. But I can't help if nothing is said to me. I understand things more than you think I can. Just try me.

And I miss the times before where everything was so much easier and more carefree. No worries about exams. These exams will really be the death of me.

To whom it may concern

Sigh. Acted stupidly just now. All I can say is that I am sorry, didn't mean to act like that. =(

Against Me

Physical state of mind. And mine.


Goodnight everybody.

Home Alone

Rush rush rush. Stress stress stress.

Doing the past semester's SAQs. I think I will get a B. B+ if I am lucky. Sucks. I mean, i can't be greedy, but yea. I am only human.

And when I wanted to go thru my notes, I discovered that the photocopy shop people did not bother to re-staple my notes back together. Apparently it didn't cross their bloody minds that people do actually want them to be. Surprise surprise. So wasted a good 20 minutes or so just stapling the notes with my soon-to-be ex-stapler, which decided that now was the best time to play hard to use. I hope it likes its new home in the dumpster.

Rush rush rush. Stress stress stress.

Thank God for John MayEr and all the other easy listening light music.

Evolution

Lazy lazy Friday. Yep should be studying but instead woke up at 8am to watch NBA. And the Miami Heat didn't play well at all. Terrible. I don't even wake up that early just to study. And now I don't know what to do for the rest of the day. Other than fitting in some studies. Try to anyway. Just feel really not in the mood for pharmacology and ACE inhibitors and such.

And I don't want to go back to Brunei at all. At all. I want to see my family though. Why can't they come here? In the meantime, check this out. The evolution of the best car ever (in my opinion), the Ford Thunderbird.

1957

1960

1966

1979

1984

1991

2002

2005

Yea the classic ones are still the best.

burma boy.

me found new job.

new job as chair with paper holder and back rub. do not come with battery. good buy.

I know

The more I think about my studies, the more confused I get. One moment I would be panicking away, the next I will be thinking, hey, it ain't so bad I still have 2 more weeks and I am heading for my second round. I just want to get this EOS done and over with. Everyone is busy studying and all but I am not really flying on full gear studying like a mad man. I just don't know why, I mean I know that it is important and all and that it can be quite hard, but I feel like I have covered most that is required. I just hope that what I feel is correct. 18 more days only. Can't be wrong.

On a another note, I can't say that my life now is bad. In fact, it is damn good. Being with my closest friends. Being with her everyday. God it is gonna be hard to leave for the holidays. Hmmm.

The previous post wasn't aiming at my silly gf who thinks I was that angry at her. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

And to the person involved, see how much trouble you put me in? Fucker. Where were you when they were handing out brains? Let me guess, taking weed and getting high as usual? Of course.

MMS

What does that mean? Are you trying to say something? I hope that you know how much pain and confusion it caused me. The little actions and words that you don't do and don't speak are greater indications of what you actually do and speak. Ah well. Can't really do anything. It is your choice and decision after all.

And just came from the Medical Museum in my uni. Damn tiring trying to differentiate the FLMs of pathogens and such while writing down all the important points and factors to focus on to recognize them. Pissed me off big time. But I was with Dom so it was ok, discussed the pictures and all, in the end it was quite good. Though now I am worrying more cos I am afraid that I will forget the important facts and remember all the useless ones that will not come out. It always happens. Like I am cursed or something.

Maybe I am.

She believes in me

Bills paid thank God. Just got one more internet bill to pay in the noon. In the meantime, this song and lyrics just got some special ring at the moment. For me.

While she lays sleeping, I stay out late at night and play my songs
And sometimes all the night can be so long
And it's good when I finally make it home, all alone
While she lays dreaming, I try to get undressed without the light
And quietly she says how was your night?
And I come to her and say, it was all right, and I hold her tight

And she believes in me, I'll never know just what she sees in me
I told her someday if she was my girl, I could change the world
With my little songs, I was wrong
But she has faith in me, and so I go on trying faithfully
And who knows maybe on some special night, if my song is right
I will find a way, find a way...

While she lays waiting, I stumble to the kitchen for a bite
Then I see my old guitar in the night
Just waiting for me like a secret friend, and there's no end
While she lays crying, I fumble with a melody or two
And I'm torn between the things that I should do
And she says to wake her up when I am through,
God her love is true...

And she believes in me, I'll never know just what she sees in me
I told her someday if she was my girl, I could change the world
With my little songs, I was wrong
But she has faith in me, and so I go on trying faithfully
And who knows maybe on some special night, if my song is right
I will find a way, while she waits... while she waits for me.
----------------
Now playing: Kenny Rogers - She Believes In Me
via FoxyTunes

Bills bills bills

Just realized that I have tonnes of outstanding bills left to pay. SHIT. Have to waste valuable study time to go and pay. All the freaking way in KL and have to take the freaking LRT and cab. Damn the sad state of online paying here in Msia. So pissed with myself for not settling them earlier. Now there's extra charge for the internet as well, which is by far one of the worst providers I have used so far.

Hold on to me

It's ok to be afraid.

All we need is trust. And each other. Hold on to what we've got.

I am happy to tell you that I indeed am placing my trust in you, and you can in me too.

I know you are worried about yourself, and that I can't help you. Maybe you have the right to be. Maybe not.

All I know is that I love you and I do not want this to end this way.

With the reason that is time and distance. For we are capable of so much more.

So when I am gone, I go with the promise of returning. For you. So please wait? It is only 2 months.

Why Burma?

How to prove your point? How to show that you are good enough? My mind is a spinning world of confusion and more confusion. Pressured to do so many things. Pressured to get an A for EOS. Ah the insanity. Pop goes the weasel.

Hungry. My hunger pangs are increasing and getting more frequent. Why am I even posting these down? Random random random thoughts.

"I am a 15 year old Burmese boy forced to work in Msia as massage person. Friend say I good massager. So I get work. Call big old man ask him pay me for work. He say go Msia find work gooder. More money. So i go. Take boat. When reach Msia I have to call another old man. This man strange. Like to touch boys haha! I am man and I like touch girls. But this man funny I think he got head pain. Then man tell me I must have check-up to see if i work good. So I agree. I ask him will it hurt uncle? He say to call him daddy, Big Daddy. And he say if I like it then will not hurt. I say I understanding him because I have friend in Myammar also say got like that question when he try to get work in place name eXXXpedition. I need money bad so I say ok."

Ok now why did I post THAT down? Bloody hell. Hahahahaha. Just felt like it but yea don't worry, I am still Jon the guy in IMU doing something called Medicine. Walalalalalalala.

Righty then. Back to my pile of notes that I must by hook or by crook finish it before midnight today, or else it will disappear like the carriage pumpkin in Cinderella!! Noooooooooo!!!

Tattoo on Chest

What a day. So far. Woke up late, went out for lunch with her, came back, watch tv. Simpsons Halloween marathon. For almost 5hours straight now. So now I am trying to study. Been on this patho and immuno for far too long. Plus tomorrow morning I'll be busy helping out in IMU Open Day as a tour guide of the magnificent building that is IMU. RM15. Ah well. I don't really care about the money.

Life is good. Though I am kind of worried about the future. The near future that is. Future after EOS. The part where I am going back to Brunei till February before I can see her again. The one week during Raya was bad enough, now 2 whole months?! Argh I just hope that when I come back to Msia things and feelings will still stay the same if not better. Both on my part and hers.

Halloween

Damn full in the middle of the night. Now at current time 11.40pm. Why you ask. Or maybe you wouldn't. But sucks to you I'm going to post it up anyway. Had a lifegroup dinner gathering thing with PC my church's pastor together with the whole gang of IMU-ECFians. Excellent. Being able to be with my spiritual family again after a long time felt really good. For once I felt a sense of calm and peace in a long time. Happy days are back. Couldn't be at a better time. Oh happy days.

Tomorrow I'm gonna be a fool that I am and watch the Halloween Specials on StarWorld for the whole day. SIMPSONS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah.


I would absolutely DETEST the 2nd Japanese anime version.

Retarded

I hate having sleepless nights.

So I am gonna smoke the day away. See my life rise up in a cloudy vision of despair and confusion.

Why can't things just be clearer?

And I am going to prove that I can study at home. So I am going to piss off now.

Spontaneous nonsense

This sudden attacks of cold and fever of mine is really starting to annoy the shit of out me. The whole day I will be fine then all of a sudden, bang. Just like that. I will be sniffling and then I will feel all warm. Then half an hour later I will be fine. But my mood will just be bad. Feeling annoyed at the slightest things. Just plain terrible. That after spending a great day with her in Midvalley watching a great movie in The Bourne Ultimatum and eating at Manhattan's Fish Market. Moods screw people up. Fact.

Taking a break, or trying to start?

So finally sat for my MUET oral exam. And with all due respect, and I am saying it with ALL due respect, it was a waste of time. Considering that I have already done A-level English Literature and IELTS. If I had nothing to do I wouldn't mind sitting in a group of 4 discussing about the sorry state of public transportation in Msia. But then I had to spend an entire morning waiting and waiting. Which was why I emphasized the point that public transport in Msia is inefficient due to the long long waiting periods. Hope they got the point. Plus I had to wake up at 6am this morning to get to the exam which allegedly supposed to start at 7.30am. Weeeeee.

Anyway have been pondering if I have enough time to spare to actually go out and have some fun or not. I mean a movie and all is fine, no problem at all, but what about a whole day out shopping? Or to Genting? Or ClubMed? Or The Click Five concert?? =D Say all you want but their new songs are actually different and meaningful. In one sense or the other. Hmmm. Should I go?

To be or not to be, that is the question

You know how everybody has their dilemmas? Mine is whether to go for CVS lectures or not since my EOS doesn't cover CVS, and I would gladly use the lecture times to study in the library. Or at home. Or sleep. But that's not the point. Sometimes these days, I don't even know what I am doing anymore. It is like I have lost track of my initial point of coming into IMU. Quite sad to lead a pointless life.

Anyway, I have to admit that my studies are finally getting somewhere. The doing-the-questions bit. I found out that I am not so screwed after all. Hmmm. Pressure on me is tremendous. I need to not only pass but get an A. Hope that all I am doing now is sufficient. Sigh. God please help me.

And to Geowin, Dom and Elaine, I am sorry if I have not been spending enough pre-exam time with you guys. I hope that you understand. Somehow will try to make it up to you ppl ok? Elaine don't cry haha. You know I still care bout you. Geowin, at least I get to see you in church. Dom, well, haha, library? Such is life. You all are still very important to me, but now I have the gf too, whom I am in love with, and pls understand and bear with me. This msg is long overdue I know but I guess I have to say it. Better late than never.

Oh and good luck for your oral MUET baby, though by the time you read this you would have already taken it.

Back to studies. How predictable of me.

Underneath it all

I wish the Earth opens up and swallows me whole. Then maybe these thoughts of mine wouldn't escape me, escape these four walls. Then maybe I can then get some peace. Away from the never-ending thoughts of doom of texts of knowledge.

Panic time

Tried to study but failed. Fell asleep instead. I feel like shit cuz I just fel like shit. Duno why. Don't ask, I wouldn't bother to answer. Just moody today. Hmmm. Disgusted with myself. Rarrrrrr. The urge to kick the crap out of somebody is huge. I hope I don't fail this exam. SIGH.

Addicted to you

Oh hohoho. Yep I am back. Finally. Guess no one bothered to go and pick me up from the airport eh? I am disappointed. Actually not. Whatever. Anyway, Brunei was good. And by that I mean getting to see parents and eat mum's cooking again. Stupid thing was that there was nothing to do but study, and even that was also so-so.

You know how we sometimes take things for-granted? What things? Hmm I duno, say maybe, just maybe, INTERNET?! Damn it, the net in Brunei couldn't be slower seriously. It takes forever to load a page, and it takes forever NOT to load a page as well. Shite.

Finally got to be with her again. Thank God. I was beginning to go insane already. The first thing I thought to myself when I saw her when she walked thru' my door was, "Wow, I've never been more glad to see a person in my life before." And then I screwed up the surprise that I had for her by just giving it to her directly. Man that was just plain stupid on my part. But no matter. Never thought that I would miss M'sia that much. I mean, one week in Brunei and I was already sick of it. And to think that I spent 17years there. Woohoo.

Anyway, it's good to be back. Lectures tomorrow then. Studies too. Joy.

the girlfriend says hi.

so jonathan's internet is down because brunei internet provider decided to change their cable or something. and being the thoughtful person that he is, he is afraid that you (imaginary) readers will be bored or thought that something horrible had happened to him.

but dont you worry. the silly boy is healthy and alive and kicking abide missing me alot.

so what's up with jonathan the wong these few days? hmm,

1) open houses
2) shopping for shorts/jackets/sweaters
3) studying his sem1 stuff
4) falling asleep on sofa
5) feeling sleepy everyday

basically its a lazy life there. its brunei what do you expect. seriously. luckily there's the mum who make it a point that he learns how to cook and drive her around and make him carry all the heavy stuff for her. long live mrs wong!! you are my idol!!

anyway jonathan will be back tomorrow morning. so if you are really so desperate to see him, you can pick him up from klia around 10am. tho please do not expect him to sit down and have a nice morning tea with you because he's due at my place at 12noon. you can talk about life and such with him on the way back to vista and disappear after that before he punches you in the face with his burly arms :)

so till then, dont miss him too much. be good, sleep early, drink more water and dont do drugs.

love,
sheah

The Simple Life

Don't you know the feeling of being absolutely helpless? Well I do. Knowing that she is in pain over in Msia and I'm over here in Brunei and not being able to do anything at all. Ah the simple things in life. Again.

And I am getting impatient. Impatient for Sunday. Faster damn it.

And damn this cold that I have too. I can't do anything without sniffling now. Donkey balls.

I've been pondering over what to write in this entry and I've come to a conclusion that there is in fact nothing to write. How tragic. Jonathan Wong lost for words.

Maybe a little Brunei update? Nothing new (surprise surprise), ppl here busy celebrating Raya. No new roads. No new buildings. Weather stinks of rain rain and more rain. Well today is sunny though. Sunny enough. Family is good, sister has O-levels going on right now - Bio practs. God bless her and her exams.

And that's it I guess for now. Back to studies. Sigh.

Oh and I miss you lots baby...

AIR

This has got to be one of the worst holidays so far. Stuck at home. Studying Sem1 notes. Doing PBL. Doing the damn AIR topic. When I could be going out having fun, or just driving around like a maniac in my car (mum's car now) like the good old days. And the shit state of the internet in Brunei disallows me to upload any pictures to my blog. I am not as free as to wait for half an hour for one photo. Woe betide me.

At least I have ASTRO with all the channels. Though it is pointless to watch anything by myself nowadays. It just feels.....different. Sigh.

It is already Monday when I am going back this Sunday. Goodness. Time really does flies. But I guess this time I am glad that it does. For reasons I am sure is well-known and I don't have to sacrifice my coolness level to explain and describe with my heart.

Yea I can hear ppl sniggering in the distance. But anything for love. It's ok.

And I can't place paragraphs in this entry. Pathetic.

Unbelievable

I can't believe it. Well actually I can. Cos it is happening to me right now. I mean, I know that I will miss her, but I didn't believe that I would miss her THIS much. Crazy. I miss her touch, scent, kiss...the way she runs her fingers through my hair...and it hurts not being able to be there with her when she needs me. What more can I say? Nothing. I am like a lost soul again. Waiting to get back to see her. Waiting waiting waiting...

Insecure no more?

So this is the blog that I am writing in KLIA because I can. And because I am bored. Solitude can be such a sad and depressing thing. So is arriving at the airport 3hours early. But I guess have to adjust to it. God I miss her.

So went all the way up to Cameron Highlands (a last minute decision which I totally don't regret) yesterday with her n her family and had fun. Laughing and doing stupid stuffs with at night with her like taking lame videos of us (well, me actually) dancing like sissies in the flower garden. And then today took the 8am bus alone and without her Mp3 player cuz we forgot to charge it. So I was bored and dizzy and nausea-ting, so I fell asleep. In a bus full of Indians and Nepalese. No disrespect intended.

Last night we had a nice long talk in bed. Which cleared a lot of things. And I am thankful that we decided to have that little chat. About us. Now that I think about it baby, I had indirectly compared you to her, and I am damn sorry I did and said what I said. I can't explain how sorry I am. Never meant it. I guess you were right in the sense that I WAS insecure but now all is good. Please know that I love you and though it wouldn't be easy at times, this love, but I'll wait. I mean, who wouldn't wait for the person who had brought the most joy to him/her for the past one month? Hmm getting melodramatic now so I better stop before it gets out of hand. In public.

And I still can't believe that I am going back to Brunei already. Leaving her for a week. Brought all my notes back as well so gonna kick some Semester1 ass during revision. Hopefully. I mean, obviously. Of course.

p.s: Baby pls if you load my video up on your blog at least put yours too.

Way Back Into Love

Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore - Way Back Into Love lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to she'd some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And If you'll help me to start again
I know that I'll be there for you
In the end

Happy 1 Month

Today is a great day. Why you ask. I'll tell you why. It's been a month that we have been together! Woohoo~ I couldn't have asked for a better month in this whole year. Time sure flies; it seemed like yesterday when I first fell for her during MAPCU basketball. Thank God I decided to play for the team...though the results were not as great as expected.

And she finally said those 3 words. This morning. In bed. What better way to start off your morning than hearing that in your ears at 7am. After sleeping at 3am coming back from KLIA fetching her mum back from China.

Then as life is life, I am going back this weekend to Brunei for a week. Bloody joy. Still, I will enjoy the things that we can do together while I am here. No point in contemplating so much on the future. For now. I think. Hmmm. Or maybe I should. Ah heck.

EOS. Study. Yeah.

Atlas

How great it feels to have a weight lifted off your shoulder. Weights actually. 3 reports/proposals? It's over now thank goodness. Was starting to get stressed up and venting my anger on people I would never want to hurt. I'm sorry again.

The rain is here. Looks like a gloomy night ahead of me. Wednesday...wonder what exciting things are going to happen. Sigh. Other than studying of course. Oh boy. That is so exciting I think I am going to have an adrenaline rush. Whoopee.

My bad...

Baby, don't be sad ok?

Don't mistake my emotions and feelings for reality and truth and the present. I know lately I have been very moody and tired and all, and it is entirely not your fault. In fact, all you have done is support me and help me through everything. And I can't thank you more for that.

When you decided to sort of ignore me last night, I never knew why until today. I knew you were a little angry and had something on your mind but....yea....I couldn't sleep, really, as it just felt so broken and depressing to be next to you but still feel so far away. Hope that will never happen again cos now I have to sleep again before my PBL and can't be online. Haha...but seriously...

On another note, should I sleep? So many things to be completed? EOS coming up and I haven't done much studies. Some seniors say I should start, some say that it's still early. I think I should begin but my willpower obviously thinks otherwise.

Oh and watch 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry'. Don't watch it with your gf though like I did, it is a gay movie. Literally. After that she would want you to carry her handbag and she would shout 'He's gay!' to random passer-by's. I still love you don't worry : ) Other than that, the movie was hilarious and well worth watching for its entertainment value and also some moral aspects of daily life nowadays, if you know what I mean.

Useless

Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother to remember these things. Things such as by tomorrow the 10th of October will be exactly 3 years that my ex and I would have been together. Things such as it will be exactly 1 1/2 years after we split. Why do I remember these things? Facts like these? Why of all the girls it is she who remains? Perhaps that is the sad reality of life. Some things we just can't run away from I guess. Kind of depressing just sitting on thinking about it really. After all that had happened. All the running and hiding and lying and this is what that's left of me.

Yea if only I know what is installed for me this time.

Sometimes I would love to just be emotionless. Have a stone cold heart. Then I can finally stop caring about things. Things I rather not do. Sucks. Ah well the painful part of being alive in this world is, well, being alive in this world I guess.

Back!

Wow. Now that's what I call a vacation. The whole weekend off, just the 2 of us. Seriously it was a great time. And cheap too. Food was good, accommodation was good - perfect. Weather was good too, and the sun came in and out at all the right times. Waves were there, water warm when needed to be, and cold when the sand was too warm. Managed to finish reading an Agatha Christie novel as well. And snapped quite a number of pictures too. And we had quite a number of exciting times together too of course, in addition to the already wonderful time we had. Get it?

Though the nightmare was pretty scary. Scared me. Had to keep calm myself to calm her down. Hmmm. Anyway, words can say that much. Pictures meanwhile can speak a thousand words. So enjoy.

Bus trip to Lumut - Afro-American in the back & us were the only ppl on bus



Coral Bay - where we spent lazy days


Going ape over a hornbill then realized there were like 10 others


Emo


Need I say anything?

ZAP

I shall disappear for 3 days.

Don't miss my insanity.

Toodle-o.

Don't follow me

Finally the day has come. Tomorrow I'm going to Pangkor with her! And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything will go on well and according to plan. Most probably will be bringing my laptop there too, since I have so much work to do. Which is quite sad actually, considering the fact that we are going there to relax and enjoy. But reports are due next week so I guess there is not much of a choice. Sigh.

Pet pet pet my baby wallaby.

And honestly I didn't write THAT post.

Pre pre

As anyone would know - those who know me anyway - I am not the author of the previous post.

Just to clear up any misunderstandings.

Haha. PMS is serious shit.

I love you.

Ian dont read this, please.

Today is a shit day. So i ate junk food to revenge. And i drank water and sparkling grape juice like a sissy :)

The gf is pms-ing. the fucking whole day. (subtle hint) I mean i knew it will be difficult and i was prepared for it (for it will come once a month sooner or later) but i didnt know it will be THIS hard! you @(#(@&#^ son of a moron. I mean daughter. I mean whatever you are you @)(*@*(^#

ok i feel so much better now :) so what now. Think i will never say such things about my gf? You are dead fucking wrong. You dont know me at all you morons living in this sick sad little sphere.

p/s: Ian, i know you will still read this you naughty naughty boy *makes sexy voice*

p/p/s: i love my gf till the end of the world i am the most loyal person on this self destructive pathetic planet.

p/p/p/s: I repent to God. God forgive my sins, please.

Voices voices

TIRED. Again. There's just too much to do. Too much. Too much. Presentations. Studies. Buying groceries. Washing and ironing clothes. Cleaning room. Cooking dinner. It was all ok at first but now with the increasing workload, it's pissing me off.

For crying out loud just ease me of all these weight on my shoulders. Need to get drunk. Maybe then I might actually feel better about myself. Pissed drunk. Like the old times. Ughhh sometimes I disgust even myself.

Run run run run run. Run away from all these problems. Run away from the world. Run away from all living things. I want to sleep but I know that there will be nightmares. I want to sleep but I know deep down that there's still so much to be done. I want to sleep.

Drift away.

Way away away from here.

Drift on a wooden raft in a vast open ocean with a never ending horizon. Just keep drifting, and drifting, and drifting, and drifting...

Come home, come home to me.

Please pray I keep my sanity. Sanity. Ah yes.

The Big One

EOS in less than 2 months away. And I haven't started studying. Yea some people say that it IS too early to start now, but I am a paranoid person. And that I should have started studying last week. But then again I am a lazy guy, so here I am doing nothing. Though I must really start studying!! The nerd in me calls out and I must heed its call. Soon. MCQs are totally different from SAQs and OSPE questions, and the latter two are a lot much tougher. Have to be prepared for the worst.

Mainly have been jamming in the music studio nearby to get ready for tomorrow's performance which I hope goes well for us. Especially the timing between the drummer and guitarists. And that my voice lasts me till tomorrow at least.

Just found out a second ago that my library book is due today. Joy. And the library closes in 8 minutes. Though I live across IMU, I am too lazy too run over there now. For one main reason. I must be in formal attire. I rather pay the fine tomorrow.

Rest well my darling. For my bed is a very comfortable place to be on. Dream wonderful dreams and live a wonderful life. Just promise me that you'll do only whatever that is right for you. For us. And I'll be more than happy.

Kill the System? People are jerks?

Never knew I could miss someone this much but yea here I am, in my room, realizing that I just overslept for my lectures - which is a good thing cuz today's lecturers are zombies - and that I took for granted the times we have had together. Now that she isn't here, the pain is just bad. Excruciatingly bad. And this is just a few hours! What about the one week Raya holidays? What about the 3 bloody months end-of-year holidays??!! There are so many things that are passing thru my mind now, considering the fact what happened during the previous relationship when there was a distance, but I am trying to clear my thoughts and convincing myself that this one is different. Ahhh the power of tricking yourself is strong in me. It has to be, thanks to my many wonderful past experiences. Pffft.

How God has changed my life. Big time He did. If I didn't re-accept him, surely I would be in the streets now doing drugs or raping and torturing innocent people. Ok maybe not to that extreme but you get the picture. As smart as I was in secondary school - and I was damn smart not to boast - I was too lazy and rebellious to follow the system, the system which included do not beat up people and please attend all classes. Getting into smoking and weed wasn't something I am particularly proud of either. Truly I did not give a damn about anything. But thank God for God, who saved me from hell and given me this bright future which I am definitely not going to throw away.

And to leave you all with my favorite comic of all time, the genius that is Calvin n Hobbes.


I miss you terribly everytime you go away.

Racoons or rabbits?

After going to PetWorld yesterday at The Curve, I feel like buying a racoon. Must have racoon!


Yea I am just bored.

But a little quiet time alone is good once in a while I guess.

Weekends rule

What a great time I had today. Seriously. Just to be able to go out and shop for stuffs and eat was simple yet fun. Bought most of the items needed for the Pangkor trip, except for bloody shorts. What the heck is wrong with the shops?? Why don't they sell good pants?! Yea Cult had beach pants - for RM200! Ah well...still have a week...else just have to make do. And Agatha Christie will be the other woman following me and my gf to Pangkor. Haha. Got a book to bring along for any chilling sessions on the beach.

This is random but I miss playing basketball. And badminton. And cheerleading even. Miss working and training hard and as a team for our batch for IMU Cup. Ah well. There's always next year.

On an even more random note, I would love to do a voice-over for a Simpson's episode in the near future. Doesn't matter what role it is - could be a gay role for all I care - I think it will just be the greatest thing to be part of the legendary cast.

Anyway off to bed. Need to try to wake up at 7 to prepare breakfast for her since her bloody CSU at 8am.

Pigs

Sunday. What bliss. To be able to sleep at 4.30am. Stayed up watching the Man Utd game then Love Actually with her. Brilliant. Woke up at noon. Cooked lunch for the both of us while a certain someone (ahem ahem) was still sleeping, and watched CSI Supreme Sunday. Till now. And now off to The Curve to do some shopping for next week's Pangkor trip. Bliss. To be able to spend the entire day with her. And laze around.

It feels so damn good to finally be able to wake up late, have a long good night of sleep for a long time. No waking up early to rush for CSU, clinic visits or bloody CPR. I feel energized, never felt this way for ages now come to think of it. Blame the IMU Cup.

What's the difference when you say that you like and you love someone? When will you know that there's a difference? When will you know which to say? When is the right moment? Ah the questions. I know what to say but I am waiting waiting waiting. Should I wait? If I do till when? But don't you worry I'll say it sooner or later.

Now off to The Curve before the highway gets worse than it already is.

Urge to KILL

I just can't seem to free myself huh? Tomorrow is finally the weekend and I thought that I could spend a little more time in bed but I thought wrong. Damn First Aid lessons are tomorrow at 9am. Then here is the best part - I have to resit my freaking CPR practicals just because I failed one choking station which I am absolutely sure I did everything correctly. How screwed up. As if I am not busy enough. As if I am not tired enough.

Thank God for an escape plan next week. Which I hope I can go. BADLY. Just the 2 of us going to Pangkor for the weekend will definitely be awesome. I can barely wait. I would go this week but my band commitments mean that I can't. Ah well we can just go shopping or something on Sunday, since Saturday is (again) gone. Gone gone gone. And thankyou for being understanding and caring and my pillow for me to sleep on. Just don't get why I am so exhausted.

Oh and Hairspray is an excellent movie. Coupled with the fact that last night was one of the rare nights where both of us were actually free enough to go out to someplace NOT in Sri Petaling made it even better. John Travolta really overdid himself this time especially with all the womanly moves and the big fat arse.

Another magic night?

Its only words

Words have a habit of failing us when we need them the most. Sometimes when we speak the words, they don't come out right. Sometimes we don't even know what to say at all. There are times when I am quite at a lost actually. I can't seem to figure out the hidden meanings behind words and emotions and what people are trying to portray when they do or not do certain things. Sucks. If only reading minds is easier. If only one can so easily look into another's heart and knowing fully what they are thinking and why so. If only.

It has been quite a struggle to keep myself motivated nowadays. I don't mean for studies; I'm still fully committed to that thank God, but for other things that I would usually be hyped up for, say for example the band performance scheduled for this 2nd October. It is like I find no interest in singing anymore, or doing anything else besides study and being with her. Which is probably a good thing depending on how one looks at things. Especially about the just want to study part, which will thrill my parents for sure. But it feels really odd, and I want to reignite the old flames in me again, to be active and excited about anything that I do. Let's hope it will not take too long.

Over

And so ends IMU Cup. Thank goodness. Really would want to get back to the normal life again. Cheerleading was the last event, and I thought we did really really well - all our dances and stunts were executed perfectly. Apparently not perfect enough for the judges who, in my humble opinion, are blind old hags. Even if we were fated not to win just now, at least give the medal to a more deserving batch! Instead it went to the batch whose only cheers came from their own batch people. Pathetic.

Oh and I am so damn wrong, and I am not afraid to admit it. Our supporters were really good. Well, relatively speaking it was like Monaco compared to the size of the other batches, but they were loud and they cheered us on really well. Excellent job M107! May the next IMU Cup bring more medals that we so obviously deserve, and hopefully more participation as well from a greater number of people in the batch.

This is changing the topic but do you notice how people can be such hypocrites at times? Extremely hypocritical. Not only do they not do what they say, but they do the exact opposite of it! Sometimes I wonder why the human race is the most advanced species among all the animals. Such disappointment comes out from homo sapiens. Can someone give me any reason at all for me to say that I am sorry that we are all going to die one day?