Not what I want

How did I pass with an F for SAQ? How DID I get an F for SAQ?? I honestly thought I did badly for that paper, but an F is just way too ridiculous and impossible to get even if I tried. Maybe I should file an investigative report thing to the uni's admin.

Life is full of decision-making. And yea I know that everyone here knows that too, it's just that sometimes there are just harder ones to be made. When is it that a decision becomes ethical or not? When does one decide to pull the plug or not? Is a lie always bad? Is it sometimes acceptable to tell a white lie? Lately my mind has just become numb thinking about these things, and coupled with other issues, I feel like I'm going crazy. Fear. Worries. It is difficult to even say what is on my mind. Some people will get affected and offended and so on and so forth. So eventually, we all just shut up and become mindless parrots of the society.

I was thinking just the other day about the things for me to do during my holidays. Studying was the first thing that popped into my mind. Then came the HK trip. Then during all of this I became more and more aware that I am going through all this without her. Yea the hols will still be fun with my family and all, maybe some of my friends are coming back from overseas, but it just wouldn't be the same. Wouldn't be the same at all.

So many things to do, so little time. Ah time. Good old time. Who waits for no man. If only I can stop time, or buy time. If only. And speaking of lack of time, I'm having a difficult time deciding which other movie, other than Enchanted, to watch. Stardust? Beowulf? Hitman? Orang Minyak?? Paris Hilton's hidden sex tapes??! Tough tough decisions to be made.

Collective sigh

Passed.

Thank God. I really do.

I guess sometimes it takes the worst moments in life to make you really see that the world is indeed a beautiful place to be in. I've never felt this thankful/lucky/blessed before in my life. To say that I am relieved will be a down-right understatement.

4 more days!

=(

Don't fail

Results out in 2.5hours. And I am nervous like never before.

All the times before I was worried that I will not get the A or highest mark or something. Now I just hope and pray to God that I can pass.

Mistakes. The meaning of humble. All learnt.

It ain't easy

No resits for the OSPE paper. However results out tomorrow though. I just want to pass. I don't think I did well at all this EOS, so as long as I pass and get through this, I'll be happy. Please God just let me pass. Then we can all go to Shogun and have a nice birthday celebration for Dom - which incidently is the last meal we will all eat together before the long holidays. Which I come to detest more and more each passing minute. And watch Enchanted with her.

Weeee

Went clubbing after a very very long time last night. Elaine got drunk as usual. And I, for once cuz my girlfriend was there too, got more than just a little high. I think I slept the entire journey back home to her place. It's the first and probably the last time I'll get this high. Or drunk. Whatever. But it was a fun night.

And we are supppose to know if we were to resit our OSPE paper today. Probably very soon. I sure hope for the sake of all the people who didn't bring their phones we don't resit. I don't want this to disrupt my holidays either.

7 more days. Sigh.

Happy 22nd...

It is Elaine's birthday tomorrow and being Elaine we are celebrating it at Mystique (a club if you must know) at about 11pm later tonight. Supposedly I was expected to reach there earlier, say 10.30pm but then I'm having to attend another party at Shah Alam with my girlfriend. So both of us stayed up till about 4am yesterday/today - depends on how you see time - to make the cards.

The front

What's inside

Yep and being the joker I am, the whole card was just random stuffs pasted together to form more randomness. Ahh the genius.

KLCC

Went to KLCC today with her. Decided to go there to walk about instead of Midvalley, since we are oh-so-classy and rich bastards anyway. And also because Kinokuniya was there. And I finally decided to buy books.
Read more about it. Especially the Maddox one. Probably you can check it out here. Please do.

And on the way back from KLCC in the LRT station, we noticed shockingly disturbing stuffs about KL-ians. Or maybe it good. Disturbingly good. (?) People were actually queuing up to get into the LRTs. I was so shocked that I couldn't react fast enough to take a photo of that miraculous moment. Pity. But I did get this. Typical scene of the LRT during rush hour. I was squashed against the glass screen at the end of that cabin.


Oh and I want nothing much for Christmas. Just my girl to be with me, and THIS. The Sony Vaio LM. That's all, nothing fancy.

Post number 100.

One century. If only all of us have that long to live, oh wouldn't it be nice. Or not depends on who you are. With the world in chaos and disarray, one can only hope that the United Nations will be more effective. With so many new wars and conflicts, it seems that the only way that the world is moving is backwards, and there seems to be no answer that all parties can be satisfied with. So where is the world headed for? I suddenly thought of the UN because she said last night in the car that she would love to work for the UN. Which was what I wanted to do as well last time. Be the first Malaysian to hold the Secretary-General post. Since the first Asian post is already taken up by Ban Ki-moon, who is the current post-holder replacing Kofi Annan, and SEA already had a holder in U Thant, a Burmese, who served from 1961-1971.

I have no idea why I just became so political minded today. Maybe it because there is nothing else better to do today than just laze around and letting the mind wander....wander...wander...maybe I should catch up on reading my novels. My Agatha Christie has been stuck on the same page since the last time I read it in Pangkor.

And mum just confirmed the HongKong trip is to be on the 24th of December. And you have no idea how much I long to bring her along with me. Argh. This promises to be a looooooong holiday. And lonely Christmas.

EOS, check.

It is finally over and then with. Hopefully.

But then I might have to re-sit. We ALL might have to re-sit. Thanks to the 30 people who brought their phones into the quarantine room. Maybe it isn't their fault, maybe it is. I would think that it isn't. I mean, it wasn't like they brought the phones into the exam hall. It was after the exam in the quarantine room, and only one person who actually took out the phone. So we all had to be body-checked. By some horny-looking IMU security guard whose idea of a full body search was to tap on people's waists and that's it. He didn't even bother looking in my bag until I forced him to. Idiot.

Yea so decided to have fun yesterday anyway. Went out to MidValley with her, shopping for her dress/slippers. Bought a pair, RM100. Then met up with Geowin and Dom at night for dinner at Chilli's. Haven't ate and laughed like that in ages. Ah it feels good not to have any pressure on your shoulders. The last time we ate in Chilli's was months ago, so it felt good to be back, just talking and having fun. So it wasn't that hard to think about the fact that I will not be seeing them and my other friends for 2 whole months. True there is MSN, but Brunei being Brunei, and being my house there with no wireless and the only net is dial-up (!!!), it is going to be slow and troublesome. Ah well. And I am so going to miss her.

Push

My whole life I have been under pressure to perform. And it is not any different now. In all aspects. Must get this, must do that. Ever since primary school. Studies. Badminton. Basketball. But I guess once you get used to it, it is fine. And honestly sometimes I do feel that I perform better under some pressure. Else I will just slack and slack and be lazy. So if I have offended or made anybody angry, I am sorry.

Tell me once and it wouldn't happen again.

Virology II

Tomorrow is Sunday.

And Monday the day after.

Scared? Nervous?

I bet you are.

I am.

Prepared?

I hope it's enough.

CHECKLIST
1) Covered Sem 1 & 2
2) Covered Sem 1 & 2 again
3) Past year questions
4) Group discussions
5) Prayers. LOTS needed

Someone said this to me I just can't quite remember who, but he said that being a medical student you will always find that no matter how many times you have studied you will never feel that it is quite enough, and the urge to just continue reading and reading like a paranoid maniac will always be there. I guess I wouldn't know THAT feeling haha. Joking. Not. No seriously I am.

Even now as I am typing this I am memorizing Parvovirus B19 causes aplastic crisis, polyarthralgia if it is transmitted by blood transfusion, erythema infectiosum if by aerosol and hydrops fetalis if it is congenital. Brilliant.

Gone till Thursday

Lent my laptop to her brother today, who has to finish his assignments. And he spilled milk on his laptop. So I will be laptop-less till Thursday. Which may be a good thing actually, no distractions till EOS is over. Well for 2 days.

Which brings me to realize how much I have actually depended on my laptop all these times. Music. Movies. Games. Chatting. Downloading. Blogging. Kind of wasting a lot of my time using my laptop come to think of it. And now I feel like I'm having withdrawal symptoms. How stupidly amazing. That I, or we all, spend so much time in front of the computers that you cannot live without it.

Well almost anyway.

Rip

Stupid Astro. Sportcenter stated yesterday that there is to be a basketball match to be televised this morning at 9.30am - as usual - but instead they are showing freaking tennis. Thank goodness that the match tomorrow is the one that I really want to watch. And the online Astro Guide is atrocious. Well, as they say, there is nothing better to start off the morning then, erm, I forgot, but it was something nice. Not slow Internet and worrying about exams. And ridiculous changes in program listings.

Can't believe there is so little time left. December, I thought, always seemed hours and days away.

Sigh.

Gruelling

That's the only word to describe today. So far. Revising the pharmacology section with Elaine all noon. Realizing that there are still parts left to cover. And so I did.

Life is beautiful indeed. Not a sarcastic sentence.

Har har.

It is 2.30am and I am not sleeping. Yet. Yet again. Been picking up the pace and doing more last minute revision stuffs. Nothing much, nothing much. The world is a sad, cruel and boring place if you make it out to be. And well as much as I regret saying this, I am making it out to be like that. Especially these days near the exams.

I need to get crazy before the biggest Monday of my life. So far. Maybe with help from Zakhir. Or my good old friends. The best medicine really is laughter. Sometimes one works so hard aiming to reach a particular target that one forgets that it is the simplest things in life that matters most in the end, after all the dust had settled and time flies by you like Micheal freaking Jordan. Before you know it, you are the breadwinner of your family, paying the bills & taxes, buying insurance policies to protect your family, making important family decisions like which holiday site to go to if you have the budget, getting the groceries and getting up early everyday to get your Ringgits. And oh did I mention soon you will be grandparents and turn 99 years old? Well I just did. Boohoo. Welcome wrinkled skin. And no sex. And you are 99. Did I already mention that?

So I guess what I am trying so hard to say - and maybe failing to - is to life your lives everyday. Life is not all about exams. Have fun, do something crazy that you can relate to your kids and grandkids in the future. AND be proud of it. Don't assassinate President Bush, for example. Don't burn the MMS down just because the models for OSPE are inside. Don't set up any sexist or racist groups. Don't hate God and turn to idolism. The last one is a damn serious DON'T.


p.s: Above does not apply to medical students who dedicate every second of their marvelous lives studying and worrying about exams. Exam IS life. Isn't that great or isn't that great?

6

Can't really believe it. 6 more days to EOS! Study study study! And I am so tired. Can't wait for this to be over then I can be free. Though only it is just for a while. I'm too stressed up, I need to relax. Else there is not really much use in studying either. Info will just pass through one auditory canal to another, though that is absolutely ridiculously impossible, medically speaking.

STRESSED OUT.


Then again, whoever isn't now is, well, gonna get it from me for being such a nerd and finishing and remembering everything. Relax. I don't know why I am so stressed up either. Not like i don't remember anything at all. It's not going to be a disaster. But with all the people around me going bananas as well how can I not be? HOW, how you tells me? Tells me!!!

Hopeful. With a reason.

Could barely sleep last night. 20 more days.

Just thinking and thinking and thinking.

Why does this always happen to me? Relationship-wise I mean. It is always the distance. It was before just a year ago, and it might be soon. This heart just can't take any more pain. Just have to anticipate the worst, but then again I'm always hopeful. Being the hopeful fool of a person I am. I just want this to work. Seriously. She might not be perfect, but then neither am I, but together, we just might be. So just give this a chance. Hey if my roommate can keep his relationship going for more than 2 years mostly here in KL while his gf is back in Kuching, I'm not comparing or anything but surely we can overcome this 2 months. Right? =)

Oh and I realized that doing Medicine, though tough and all, might just be the right course for me. I mean, I still love literature and writing and such, but come to think about it studying medicine ain't that bad. And coming to IMU sure has its blessings-in-disguise. Imagine if I took the Monash offer. I would totally not know all the great people I get to know now, and especially her. So if God has guided me this far, He wouldn't desert me. Ever.

Take 2

Woohoo. So the 2nd month has arrived. Ok so I didn't prepare anything special for her. But don't blame me, the bloody EOS studies and cold/flu thing just killed me the entire day yesterday. Only to find out that I am prefectly fine when I woke up this morning. Whoopee. So we went to 1 Utama instead in the noon/evening. And ate like pigs. When all we wanted to do was go to MPH and get the 'Alice in Wonderland' book. Ate ate ate all the way while walking. And she watched Ultraman which was showing to the little kids outside a DVD shop. COOL. Oh and did I mention that she was wearing heels?? Yes she was. Oh and she looked great. Yea the whole day was great actually.

Can't really wrap my head around the fact that my EOS is actually in a week's time. I seriously don't know what else there is to do. Done the notes. Done the questions. And then done the notes again. And then the questions again. But I still feel like an idiot. Feel as if I do not know enough. Or anything at all. I am confident on one hand and paralysed with fear in the other. Never felt this way before any exams. Right should stop rambling. Yep.

And it just came to my mind again that I will not be celebrating our 3rd and 4th together. So I guess the 5th will be the best ever then. Pray it will come. Pray it will come sooner.

Cold

Oh God I am falling ill.

Last night...

Watched Balls of Fury yesterday at Midvalley with her. Decided to take a little time off studies. Movie was hilarious in the lame way, but not stupid lame. I actually thought that Jack Black would have played the leading actor very well, if they did cast him instead. SO after the movie, we went shopping, bought some stuff then went for dinner. At a restaurant. I would not mention names. Why? Because after I finished my main course and was now eating the side dish, which by the way was not tasty, thick dust started raining down on me from above. From the ventilation system.

Sick.

Told the waitress, who immediately apologized. Ok fine, accepted. Was not in the mood to argue and stuff. So we told her to give us a refund for the side dish since it was not that tasty anyway. Guess what she did? She gave us a new plate of it, when we already worked so hard to finish the last plate. Wonderful.

Anyway I'm not making any more progress with my studies. Seriously. I feel like I am missing some topics but can't think of anything. Time will tell I guess. Time will tell.

Paradoxically parod-ick

A parody of life around me, summarized in a T-shirt. Front and back. Jolly good, no?




Yea just for laughs. We were bored from studies so she used her superb photoshop skills. And my brilliant ideas obviously.

Built to Last muffins

Decided on an impulse to bake muffins. Banana choco chips muffins. Why I don't remember. So we decided to go out to The Store and get the ingredients that where needed. We got the recipe off the net by the way. In case any of you were wondering if I did memorize the recipe. I didn't.

After getting the goods, went back home, and started to work on the muffins. Weighing the flour, butter, sugar. Mixing all of them in a mixing bowl and stirred and stirred. The dough was ridiculously hard so i decided to ask my mum if it was natural for it to be like that. Apparently it is. So after placing the mixture into cups, we waited patiently for them to be ready. And after 10 minutes they were. Took them out, tasted them. Weird. Not like muffins. More like tar. Ok not that bad, the taste was good but the texture was more like bread. We were pondering what went wrong, retracing our steps.

Then she asked me, "Did you add the baking soda?"

So while she was doing her pbl last night, and I was studying for EOS, it dawned upon me that we haven't taken a photo together for quite some time now. So yea we took one. Or two. A few.

And so on

And Carmelo Anthony. Hmmm not so sure about the selfishness part since I was the leading player in assists. And shots taken. Whoops.

Your Score: Carmelo Anthony

50% Speed, 80% Selfishness, 70% Skill, 40% Athleticism

'Melo is a terrific player with a bright future, but his petulant streak sometimes hurts him and, let's be honest, he's not as toned as the upper echelon of NBA athletes. He's quick on his feet, loves to run the break, and is a threat from anywhere on the floor, which is a good part of why Denver was a seventh seed in the west last year, and would've been higher if not for a dismal start to the season.

Link: The Which NBA Player Are You Test written by dgc20e on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Led Zep

So apparently I am the lead drummer of Led Zeppelin. Awesome.

Your Score: John Bonham

43 depth, 39 controversy ,55 talent

A good helping of talent and a bit of an edge, you are most like John Bonham. Loving the hair.

Link: The Which Musician Am I? Test written by on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Subtle subtle

It's amazing how things can change in just a blink of an eye. I hope that whatever we do now is built to last. Though sometimes no matter what you do or say will never change what is destined for us. All the tussling and turning will be deemed insignificant if the heart is not willing. Let's hope it is mutual.

So the weekend just flashed by my very eyes. Work done was very little. Pray today will be a better day for studies. Really have to get my mind around the fact that there is exactly 2 more weeks left. Well thing is I have already finished one round of the studies but as most pple have told me that is not enough. So on to my second then. Very depressing.

And thanks for the gift baby. By the way it is 'dig' not 'digs', my bad. But it is fine, it is an awesome gift. I was stunned when you gave it to me, you were not feeling well and still you went thru the trouble and effort and time to place all the pieces together. Thanks. And it is amazing what the nights can do. Haha.

Fear

So it's the weekends. Guess what? Have not been studying. At all. Apart from the memorizing of the few facts this morning when I first woke up. Just not really in the mood to study. Things are tough, and I'm extra-sensitive to everything said and done lately. I just keep fearing for the worst, though I don't know why I should be. Ah the joy of being confused.

Don't be afraid, I am here. But I can't help if nothing is said to me. I understand things more than you think I can. Just try me.

And I miss the times before where everything was so much easier and more carefree. No worries about exams. These exams will really be the death of me.

To whom it may concern

Sigh. Acted stupidly just now. All I can say is that I am sorry, didn't mean to act like that. =(

Against Me

Physical state of mind. And mine.


Goodnight everybody.

Home Alone

Rush rush rush. Stress stress stress.

Doing the past semester's SAQs. I think I will get a B. B+ if I am lucky. Sucks. I mean, i can't be greedy, but yea. I am only human.

And when I wanted to go thru my notes, I discovered that the photocopy shop people did not bother to re-staple my notes back together. Apparently it didn't cross their bloody minds that people do actually want them to be. Surprise surprise. So wasted a good 20 minutes or so just stapling the notes with my soon-to-be ex-stapler, which decided that now was the best time to play hard to use. I hope it likes its new home in the dumpster.

Rush rush rush. Stress stress stress.

Thank God for John MayEr and all the other easy listening light music.

Evolution

Lazy lazy Friday. Yep should be studying but instead woke up at 8am to watch NBA. And the Miami Heat didn't play well at all. Terrible. I don't even wake up that early just to study. And now I don't know what to do for the rest of the day. Other than fitting in some studies. Try to anyway. Just feel really not in the mood for pharmacology and ACE inhibitors and such.

And I don't want to go back to Brunei at all. At all. I want to see my family though. Why can't they come here? In the meantime, check this out. The evolution of the best car ever (in my opinion), the Ford Thunderbird.

1957

1960

1966

1979

1984

1991

2002

2005

Yea the classic ones are still the best.

burma boy.

me found new job.

new job as chair with paper holder and back rub. do not come with battery. good buy.

I know

The more I think about my studies, the more confused I get. One moment I would be panicking away, the next I will be thinking, hey, it ain't so bad I still have 2 more weeks and I am heading for my second round. I just want to get this EOS done and over with. Everyone is busy studying and all but I am not really flying on full gear studying like a mad man. I just don't know why, I mean I know that it is important and all and that it can be quite hard, but I feel like I have covered most that is required. I just hope that what I feel is correct. 18 more days only. Can't be wrong.

On a another note, I can't say that my life now is bad. In fact, it is damn good. Being with my closest friends. Being with her everyday. God it is gonna be hard to leave for the holidays. Hmmm.