Pigs

Sunday. What bliss. To be able to sleep at 4.30am. Stayed up watching the Man Utd game then Love Actually with her. Brilliant. Woke up at noon. Cooked lunch for the both of us while a certain someone (ahem ahem) was still sleeping, and watched CSI Supreme Sunday. Till now. And now off to The Curve to do some shopping for next week's Pangkor trip. Bliss. To be able to spend the entire day with her. And laze around.

It feels so damn good to finally be able to wake up late, have a long good night of sleep for a long time. No waking up early to rush for CSU, clinic visits or bloody CPR. I feel energized, never felt this way for ages now come to think of it. Blame the IMU Cup.

What's the difference when you say that you like and you love someone? When will you know that there's a difference? When will you know which to say? When is the right moment? Ah the questions. I know what to say but I am waiting waiting waiting. Should I wait? If I do till when? But don't you worry I'll say it sooner or later.

Now off to The Curve before the highway gets worse than it already is.

Urge to KILL

I just can't seem to free myself huh? Tomorrow is finally the weekend and I thought that I could spend a little more time in bed but I thought wrong. Damn First Aid lessons are tomorrow at 9am. Then here is the best part - I have to resit my freaking CPR practicals just because I failed one choking station which I am absolutely sure I did everything correctly. How screwed up. As if I am not busy enough. As if I am not tired enough.

Thank God for an escape plan next week. Which I hope I can go. BADLY. Just the 2 of us going to Pangkor for the weekend will definitely be awesome. I can barely wait. I would go this week but my band commitments mean that I can't. Ah well we can just go shopping or something on Sunday, since Saturday is (again) gone. Gone gone gone. And thankyou for being understanding and caring and my pillow for me to sleep on. Just don't get why I am so exhausted.

Oh and Hairspray is an excellent movie. Coupled with the fact that last night was one of the rare nights where both of us were actually free enough to go out to someplace NOT in Sri Petaling made it even better. John Travolta really overdid himself this time especially with all the womanly moves and the big fat arse.

Another magic night?

Its only words

Words have a habit of failing us when we need them the most. Sometimes when we speak the words, they don't come out right. Sometimes we don't even know what to say at all. There are times when I am quite at a lost actually. I can't seem to figure out the hidden meanings behind words and emotions and what people are trying to portray when they do or not do certain things. Sucks. If only reading minds is easier. If only one can so easily look into another's heart and knowing fully what they are thinking and why so. If only.

It has been quite a struggle to keep myself motivated nowadays. I don't mean for studies; I'm still fully committed to that thank God, but for other things that I would usually be hyped up for, say for example the band performance scheduled for this 2nd October. It is like I find no interest in singing anymore, or doing anything else besides study and being with her. Which is probably a good thing depending on how one looks at things. Especially about the just want to study part, which will thrill my parents for sure. But it feels really odd, and I want to reignite the old flames in me again, to be active and excited about anything that I do. Let's hope it will not take too long.

Over

And so ends IMU Cup. Thank goodness. Really would want to get back to the normal life again. Cheerleading was the last event, and I thought we did really really well - all our dances and stunts were executed perfectly. Apparently not perfect enough for the judges who, in my humble opinion, are blind old hags. Even if we were fated not to win just now, at least give the medal to a more deserving batch! Instead it went to the batch whose only cheers came from their own batch people. Pathetic.

Oh and I am so damn wrong, and I am not afraid to admit it. Our supporters were really good. Well, relatively speaking it was like Monaco compared to the size of the other batches, but they were loud and they cheered us on really well. Excellent job M107! May the next IMU Cup bring more medals that we so obviously deserve, and hopefully more participation as well from a greater number of people in the batch.

This is changing the topic but do you notice how people can be such hypocrites at times? Extremely hypocritical. Not only do they not do what they say, but they do the exact opposite of it! Sometimes I wonder why the human race is the most advanced species among all the animals. Such disappointment comes out from homo sapiens. Can someone give me any reason at all for me to say that I am sorry that we are all going to die one day?

Moo mood moody

Loved yesterday. Everything went well, and I didn't end the day in a bad mood. Not like the 2 previous days when I was detached and not in the mood for anything. What was different? Beats me. Maybe it the anticipation that IMU Cup - which at first was something I couldn't wait to start - is going to end today? Maybe.

Happy Mooncake Festival people!! =)

Though I can't wake up next to you all the time, I'll always be there by your side.

Cheerleading later. 7pm. Will we have supporters? I want to be optimistic and say that obviously we will have, but then I would just be fooling myself. If we are lucky we will get 5 or 6 people turning up.

Joy.

Hate getting up at 7am everyday this week so far. Can't spend more time in bed. And with her. Or pay my internet bills. Hmmm. Really am mentally fatigued. My brain is always too tired to think of anything more complicated than 1+1 = 11. Can't wait to spend a quality day with the gf just hanging out, shopping, eat, watch a movie perhaps and not talk about studies. Thursday is just 2 more days. Please make it come faster.

Time

Can't believe how fast time flies. Today, alter on, I am finally going to start my first system in IMU, the Cardiovascular System. And IMU Cup is finally going to be over by tomorrow. Finally. What a grueling month of sports + studies. I had to join most of the events due to a lack of participation from my super batch.

If only time will fly this fast during my 3-month holidays...hmmm...

Wasted morning at the clinic taking patient history and talking to them. Which we have done a million times already. I was full after breakfast, and was sleepy. Disgusted with myself.

Ah well. CVS + Respi EOS coming soon for her, I really pray to God to ask him to grant her the spirit and strength to remember what she has spent so much time and effort studying. She has had an extremely busy month due to the IMU Cup and she being the Sports Rep and all, so Father pls do fight the battle with her and help her through this tough period of time.

Man Utd 2-0 Chelsea.

Cheerleading tomorrow...let's go Diamonds! Yea it might sound gay I know. So sue me. And screw you.

Most trusted info site

This is what one should do when you are bored at 3am in the morning and the pretty (or so she claims) girlfriend refuses to study. Hence the thing that everyone should remember and learn is that Wikipedia is the best site ever for precise and reliable information, coming in just after other sites like http://www.imnidiot.com and http://www.donkeyballs.com

Another shot perhaps?

Don't you just hate bad memories? Memories that you wish can just disappear and vanish from your mind forever? Yeah. I have lots of bad experiences in my life before, and they are just hindering me from advancing and moving forward. Experiences that make me more afraid now to commit myself to certain issues. Ironic isn't it, considering my previous blog entry?

I just don't wanna be hurt anymore. I've suffered enough in the past year to last me a lifetime. People tend to get the impression that I am in total control of myself and my emotions, but trust me, inside, it is a tsunami of emotions just raging to burst out. I wish I could be stronger and be unaffected by past issues, but it's impossible. Impossible. So I stay fragile inside while putting on a strong and unnerved visage on the front. Pitiful. Should love deserve another chance then? Cuz I really want this to work out the way I want it to be. Take my heart and please don't break it.

Commitment

Why? Why are some people just so unreliable and uncommitted to the things they do? And it's not like we force them to do them or anything. Where am I going with this? Basketball. True, sometimes it is damn frustrating to just be on the bench waiting for your turn which may never come, but hey, I was in that exact situation before! How can you learn by not being there, and not analyzing how better players play, and learning from them? How then, can you expect to start? Our center was in foul trouble, and I injured my elbow, so we looked to the bench to find no suitable replacements. So we pushed on, but in the end lost by 10+ points when at one time we were leading and it was such a close game. Really. Such a pity.

Still, no excuses. I had a horrible game. Couldn't shoot. Referee didn't call the fouls not just on me but also on our captain. Who lost one of his contact lenses just to add to the terrible luck. So we selfdestructed in the end, literally.

I have to say though, the support was AWESOME. For once. And I hope not for the last time. Really, to all those who came and watch us play and cheered us on, a big thank you is due to all of you guys. And girls. Speaking of girls, our batch came in 2nd as well. We could've won that too, but because of a certain someone in our opposing team, we came undone. Tough luck. But congratulations anyway.

How a life can turn and change in just 10 days. I know this may sound corny and shit, but life now has a different meaning. Impossible to try to write down my feelings - which is strange and unlike me - but hey, that's exactly what's happening. Just have to pray that the good times will keep coming in my life. But honestly I will take the bad as well as the good, for God has a purpose and a reason for everything that He sets for us. Say for example, I typed this entire thing with one right hand only cuz i totally blew my left elbow. Hmmm.

There it goes

Well that wasn't so bad now was it? The paper was relatively tricky but nothing too hard. Went for the review after that, and realized that I could probably scrape an A-. Joy. Not that I am super-pleased with it, but I sure will not be beating myself up because of it. Now for the EOS. And CVS before that. I can't barely wait as the anticipation is killing me. Joy.

I shall leave this weekend free just to give myself a break from my studies. Plus I have basketball finals tomorrow!! We have to beat the Pharm A team this time around after we lost to them in the group stages by 10. Finally can concentrate on the game and the game only, and not with pathology, microbiology and pharmacokinetics on my mind too.

Oh and why do I have the time to write this blog on the night I finished my summative? Cuz I am not out clubbing (SHOCKER!) or boozing. For once. There is a more important place where I can be and I wouldn't be anywhere else in the world right now. And there isn't a better and more happy place for me right now. But here. Giving moral support for her CVS. Yep, moral support...heh heh...

Writtten

Yes I know that this was in my previous blog on Friendster, but I thought that I would just paste it here as well...

The school is closed, the children gone,

But the ghost of a teacher lingers on.

As the daylight fades, as the daytime ends,

As the night draws in and the dark descends,

She stands in the classroom, as clear as glass.

And calls the names of her absent class.

The school is shut, the children grown,

But the ghost of the teacher, all alone,

Puts the date on the board and moves about,

As the night draws on and the stars come out.

Between the desks - a glow in the gloom -

And calls for quiet in the silent room.

The school is a ruin, the children fled,

But the ghost of the teacher, long-time dead,

As the moon comes up and the first owls glide,

Puts on her coat and steps outside.

In the moonlit playground, shadow-free,

She stands on duty with a cup of tea.

As the night creeps up to the edge of the day,

She tidies the plasticine away;

Counts the scissors - a shimmer of glass -

And says, "Off you go!" to her absent class.

She utters the words that no one hears,

Picks up her bag....and......disappears.

And also this...

I glazed at the window, through the frost

Leaves feathered patterns, crissed and crossed,

There in the garden lies the tree

Or what is left of what used to be,

Times where tiny dots of light

Coloured up the darkest night,

And the songs of love, familiar and slow,

Playing softly on the radio.

Pops and hisses from the fire

I slumped to my knees with no desire,

My friend, my love, is now fast asleep

On her back and dreaming deep.

What can do to turn the time

And all I want can be mine,

But that is not how it's s'pose to be

I have lost all; even my family.

You might be forgotten - people forget -

But the memory of you lingers yet,

Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for

But I can wait a little more.

Dreamland, too far?

Need to sleep.

But I can't.

Butterflies.

So here I am.

Writing this nonsentical nonsense.

Why can't I catch the Sandman?

Why isn't he calling to me?

Why?

Ahh the mysteries of life.

Can't help thinking about the future.

3 months.

F**ked up.

I miss YOU.

Oncogenesis and tumour angiogenesis.

You NERD.

Random random random.

Need to drink.

Need a smoke.

Need to sleep.

SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP.

!!!

Summative tomorrow

AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!

On a funnier note:

Just felt the mood to...

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Now playing: Mario - How Do I Breathe
via FoxyTunes


Lyrics provided by LyricsMode


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Now playing: Blue - Best In Me
via FoxyTunes


Lyrics provided by LyricsMode

Cortisol levels finally up

Summative in 2 days! Only now am I feeling a little nervous about it; I sure hope I do well in this paper. 50 MCQs may sound easy but let me assure you that it's not. It's made to be as damn confusing as it can get. But God is great, God is good, He will guide me and also all my friends thru this paper. Just have to keep that in mind. I really do hope I am able to remember everything that I have painstakingly memorized, and be ale to apply them in answering the questions. And I honestly can't wait for this paper to be over! We will have our EOS in November, but hey, that's another story.

Come On!!!

Finally. We had supporters, and we won our semifinal basketball game against M206!!! Now for the finals this Friday!!! It's gona be a tough game but we can do it for sure. Thanks to ALL the supporters who came today, you guys really really spurred us on to victory. *hugs

But it was kind of a bittersweet victory in a sense that it had to be beating my gf's batch. But hey, they have won so many already, including beating us at futsal (robbing us of a victory actually haha) so I guess all thta's left to say is, 'such is life.' Sorry Sports Rep. =D

More than words

Thanks love, really...

Yesterday was just a damn strange day I guess, started off super then ended in a weird depressed mood. But it all became ok, when I met her. Ah well...just realized that 3months is a fucking damn long time. Fucking long. I can't help but be paranoid already, wondering just what the future may bring. Absence can be a very dangerous thing if you can get what I mean. Just hope that nothing changes after the 3months. Hope hope hope. One can always be hopeful I guess.

On a brighter note:

Come on M107 basketball!! Semifinals at 7pm later, let's win this shit!

I am afraid.
Afraid of getting hurt again.
I am afraid.
Afraid that things may not go according to plan.
I am afraid.
Afraid that I lose valuable people in my life just because of this.
I am afraid.
Afraid to take risks.
I am afraid.
Afraid that what happenED will happen again.
I am afraid.
Afraid afraid afraid.

I am tired too. Physically and mentally. Fatigued. Just feel so dead. Lost the motivation to do anything, not just studies. I need a break, a nice long break away from IMU and any kind of studies. I need to free my mind, my tired, aching mind. I need to get away from it all. Before the stress gets to me.

You're a centipede crawling down my spine, You're the evil world of the nursery rhyme, You're the drug in which I fly. Drag me under, Douse the tracks, Dressed in anger, Hit back, hit back, hit back. You're an open wound that was left to bleed, You're my only friend, Don't be cruel to me, I smash the looking glass against my head, Let my senses burn as my body bled, We are immigrants in a fractured time, Found the pieces of a life that's mine, You're all I fear that I might find. Drag me under, Douse the track, Dressed in anger, Hit back, hit back, hit back, Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're an animal in an open cage, You're an orchestra in a manic phase, You're the dream in which I die. Drag me under, Douse the track, Dressed in anger, Hit back, hit back, hit back. Drag me under, Douse the track, Dressed in anger, Hit back, hit back, hit back, Hit back, hit back, hit back.

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Now playing: Nirvana - Rape Me
via FoxyTunes

Strange emotions

Why do I not feel nervous about the upcoming exams? Is it because I am prepared? Or is it because I am not? Or perhaps it is partly because I place this entire summative into God's hands? Maybe it is all three? It feels kind of weird actually, not worrying for an exam, because (I admit) I am a nerd. All medical students are, let's face it. At this time during Semester 1 I would've been panicking my ass off trying to do last minute memorizing work, but now I feel a kind of peace and serenity around me...good or bad that I'm not sure of yet. I guess I can only find out on the 20th then huh?

The urge to study is killing me actually. However I don't know if I could take any more information into my head. I really hope I can do this Summative well...I am aiming for an A - who isn't - and I hope and I pray that I do get it. And to all the other M107s busy revising, good luck and God bless you all in whatever that you are doing. Just remember that your Father in Heaven is always looking down and watching over you, and that He has already fought and won the battles ahead for you. Let's do this summative well and glorify His name!

Frust

How annoying. How frustrating. We lost both our badminton group games and are hence out of the competition. I played in both doubles, winning the second game. A trashing actually. But the first game....was horrendous. Tze Yang and I were best bets to win this game, honestly, but they won by ONE point due to our own mistakes. Damn. If my coach were to see that performance he would have killed me. When we were good, we were brilliant, but the brilliance were too few and we didn't stage many rallies to pull our confidence back up. I have to admit tho that it was an ok performance considering that we were playing together for the first time but...I got to shoulder some of the blame that we didn't qualify...ah well...life is tough innit?

Maybe I could have played better if someone was there earlier...haha...just joking love =p U made it to the second game so that's good enough. Oh and for once we had support and we lose. Now i'm in a dilemma whether or not to call for supporters for our basketball semis...such is life.

Where is the love?

So I guess that most ppl who read this will know that I am referring to the sad state that my batch is in. Here is an interesting fact for you all; our batch is the only one with NO supporters AT ALL. Even the Semester 1 who just came into IMU have more unity among their batch! Why? Exams? Fair enough...NOT! I mean, come on! Surely one can spare 2hours max just to show some moral support for our own batch during this IMU Cup. Is that too much to ask for? I'm not asking for sponsorship, money, drinks, food or shit like that. Just show yourself and spur us on. Difficult? Hardly. Disappointing? You think?!

Anyway, badminton is on later at 9am...may we win all our games to get maximum points to carry into the semis. Surely we can do it. Even without the support.

Attachment

I'm not sure if anyone will know how I feel, but ever felt the feeling when the person that you wanna be with is just there, so close to you, yet she is so damn far away at the same time? Yea...

Oh and long days are ahead of me, with summative 2, IMU Cup and other things to do, I barely have time for my girlfriend and myself actually...haha...ah well, no pain no gain right? Oh and I sure hope that me and my batch can win the basketball and badminton games for IMU Cup!

Thank you

Well it has been a year now that I've been single and I enjoyed the ride of freedom and flirting and all, but lately it has just been a strange journey back into reality. I shall not go into the details but hey, I am now officially on my last day of being single. And mind you, I don't mind one bit, looking at the person that I'm with.

Life can be annoying, life can suck the soul out of you. But sometimes, I guess, it has its pretty cool and memorable moments. I can't thank God enough for giving me a new day to live fully and enjoy, everyday. I can't thank God enough for guiding me through all the torturous moments in life when all I could think of was letting go. Basically, I just can't thank God enough, but I will try. So here it goes, "Thank you God."

Change of Life

I miss my guitars...all left in Brunei...I miss my jamming with my band, and I basically just miss having a normal life of a normal student. Unlike now where I'm living and studying like a medical student. Do I regret taking the medical course? Sometimes I guess, but most of time my desire to learn, help and cure overcomes the urge to quit. I never quit. Definitely never.

This is changing the topic but Pavarotti's death shocked the shit out of me. Literally. I had to go to the toilet straight after I read that piece of news off Yahoo! News but then again that's another story. He was 71. Pancreatic cancer. After I read it I was so emotional - for some strange reason left unexplained - that I went to Youtube and watched all his greatest performances, of which there were MANY, I can assure you. Ripped his songs off Limewire as I left his albums in Brunei. Not that I knew him personally or anything but the fact that I knew him was enough to throw me into momentary misery. Why? Why the connection? The only other time I felt this way was when my cat died. True I listen to his songs, my voice coach AGES ago told me about him, but that was it.

I guess sometimes we are just shocked that someone as famous and kind and rich and glamorous can also still die, a daily reminder that beyond the fame and fortunes there is always someone greater than all of this - God. We mortals place superstar singers and actors on such a high pedestal these days that we make them seem invincible. Some go as far as worshiping them like idols, which I personally think is dead wrong.

Anyway, to come back to the point, I have made my decision to take up the challenge of the medical profession, not forced by anyone. Since I am already in it, might as well make the best of it right? As Pavarotti said and I quote, "I think a life in music is a life beautifully spent and this is what I have devoted my life to." If he can do that to music surely I can say the same thing about medicine, and so I will devote my life to learning and practicing and studying then. For now.

Let's blog here

I have always been blogging on my friendster account i thought i would blog here for a change. For a start actually. Why start a new blog account u may ask. Good question. Because i damn well don't know the answer to that one. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things i do not have the answer to lately, like when is the world am i going to finish my revision for my Summative 2??!!! Somehow facts are not sticking into my grey matter...such a sad case.

On the brighter side - rare but there are a few - there has not been and will never be any major disasters in my life so far in IMU. On the contrary, social life and sporting life, if that's what one calls it, have all been excellent. I have stopped almost all clubbing and drinking activities, frequenting church and making many friends in the process. On the sporting perspective, badminton, basketball and football fills my weekly schedule to the brim. Which is one of my biggest problems now. Priorities. I admit, I may have joined too many activities his IMU Cup and I will be sure not to make the same mistake again for the next busier semester.

Love life is cool, I shall not say anything that has not been confirmed...yet...but, so far so good. And I hope to be able to say the same for all my other activities and studies in the near future. I can't and mustn't get below a B+ for any of my papers, let alone fail. May Jesus my Saviour guide me through these precarious times.