Storm

This is for the gf. Sing it to yourself, and everything will be alright.

How long have I been in this storm?

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form

Water's getting harder to tread

With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you

Everything would be all right

If I could see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water

And you will catch me if I fall

And I will get lost into your eyes

And everything will be all right

And everything will be all right

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

So why am I ten feet under and upside down

Barely surviving has become my purpose

Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you

Everything would be all right

If I could see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water

And you will catch me if I fall

And I will get lost into your eyes

And everything will be all right

And everything will be all right

Broadband where art thou?

I said it once and I'll say it again; Brunei is boring.

Other than that, nothing new. Sis studying like mad for her A-levels. Mum busy with her business. Not sure about dad though haha. I'm sure the gf is stressed out in M'sia. =( Poor her. I hope I can get her a b'day present that she likes.

And this internet is (as usual) killing me. It's too fast! -_-

Good ole Further Math

I miss doing Mathematics.

It is difficult when people have a difference in opinion, especially in a group or an organization or a relationship. This only gets worse when the other person somehow always refuses to give in and cooperate just for the sake of making things easier and more fun for everyone else. Why can't we all make a little self-sacrifice every now and then?

White Xmas

Had the first day of GP postings today. The doctor was a nice enough man, so Chloe didn't have to use her 'charms' to try to persuade the doctor to let us leave early. It ended up to be pretty interesting. Not to mention it came with the free lunch thanks to the doc. 4 more days to go then.

Heading back to Brunei this Saturday. Not really looking forward to it mainly because Xmas there is non-existent. Bet I mentioned this last year too. Sigh. But there isn't a choice so I guess have to follow my family's wishes. One week wouldn't be too long I suppose.

Haven't really been feeling well lately. The stomach and the intestines are having a war down there, and my ulcer is as usual taking its own sweet time to heal. On a separate note, the gf is going to have her ICA this Friday haha. Stressed.

This medical life thing is no joke. Pffft.

KKB to Earth...oh wait

Greetings from the cybercafe in KKB.

Which I just helped to install MSN. And Edward can't save the files in a pendrive as the computers doesn't have a USB port. And my desktop monitot is occupying more 3/4th of the desk space.

Yea modernisation is rampant in these areas.

comic time

Weekends are arriving. The year 2008 is almost over. (?!!) And the gf's dad and sis are all coming back soon again early next year for CNY. Wow. Just seemed like yesterday when they were all around for this year's CNY. -_- Father Time needs to take a chill pill. I can only hope that 2009 will be a good year as well. It will be a big year for me; with Sem 5 and the prospect of heading overseas for Phase 2 of my medical life. Kind of freaked out by it and exhilarated at the same time. Just hope that we can all make it.

Already preparing what kind of resolutions I should make for next year. I guess there are many things that I can do to change or make myself a better person but laziness is always getting in the way.

Fridays aure are fun. And lazy. Lazy lazy lazy.

The gf is studying away in the library for her ICA and EOS. It's a mixture of proud and pity I think. Haha. =p

Film

Waited and waited in agony for 3pm to come today. It was the time which the result for the ICA is to be released. Most of my friends and I were waiting and then someone came and told us that the result has already been sent to us over email - that was at 2.45pm - but most of us were too scared to check it and decided to wait another 15mins haha.

Then it was time. Got in the queue, said my ID number, got the slip, and started tearing along the perforated edges. Scared shitless, I slowly opened the paper. B+. Thank God. It was then I found out that no one failed anyway. So yea.

Ok, off to MidValley!

Of birds and trees

Been writing more than usual lately. Not on this blog though. Rather it is thanks to the literature selectives that I am taking. They are kind of fun, but it is weird seeing lecturers who one day are teaching you about the recurrent laryngeal nerve and how cutting it can result in a hoarse voice, and the next day they are discussing narratives and blank-verse poems with you. Takes a bit of getting used to I suppose.

Gf busy studying for her big EOS in early January. All the nice movies coming out though haha. Having troubles deciding which university to put as my first choice PMS. Everytime I think that is the university I want to put down, another one that seems better pops into the picture. Annoying. Anyway so far it is Glasgow, then Liverpool then Southampton. Hopefully I can get into one of those.

Wanna play football. Been playing futsal and it just ain't the same. Sigh. But over here there are no free fields like in Brunei. Plus unlikely there are people who would want to play outdoors now that it is raining like mad every evening all the way till midnight. Ahh open field!!

Intricacy I adore you

Just a few updates I guess. Literature selectives have been going on fine. It's always fun and a nice change to do something different and something I have always loved doing. Had a futsal kick-about in the evening with my Sem 5 friends. It's good to be sweating out and doing sports again instead of being couped up at home in front of the laptop and the other radiation producing magic-box watching House re-runs and Sportscenter.

Argh my laptop is too slow. So frustrating to play games on it. Though it has only occured lately. Hope it isn't a worm again. Those things are the devil.

Can't believe I was stoning in the exam hall just now during OSPE. Damn. I feel so useless, feel like I am brain dead. Can barely recall facts, or think quickly like how I used to. Maybe I am getting old.

I don't know who my friends are anymore. I know people have their own choices and all, but come on, don't just ignore people you acknowledge as one of your closest friends a few weeks/months ago. Ah well guess everyone has their own ways and right to choose. Forget it.

Guide to nowhere

Haven't been updating my blog in a long time. Laziness is one thing. Boredom is another. And then of course, there is the tiredness from studying for the ICA on next Friday. Not detached from the world though thank goodness. Gerakan VP 'fell' to his death just a few days ago. And just 2 nights ago an Indonesian maid 'jumped' off the 17th floor of Vista Komanwel C1 to her death. This reminds me of the suicide in Vista B last year when I was in Sem2, and I remembered discussing this in the library e-lab (the old one, with the bottom floor dungeon thing that was so nice to study in) with Ding Yang and the seniors.

On a brighter (?) note, Mr Barack Obama wil soon be known as President Barack Obama of the USA. Well let's just hope that he'll do what he said he'll do, cuz his speeches were sure as hell impressive but all talk and no work is, well, bush-shit. There are so much to report about local politics and such but I'll keep my mouth shut. I can do with no jail time in my record.

Planning on watching Quantum of Solace tomorrow. I need a break from all the tumours and suppressor genes. And physiology arghh. Utterly disgusting section. Hope it's a good movie though I don't fancy this new Bond. Too human I guess. Too cold, humourless and thuggish. But it's Bond nonetheless, hopefully the action scenes are good.

2 more weeks to go for endo+repro+renal ICA. I don't feel prepared at all this time around. Man. Don't feel the confidence. Shits.

Congrats to the gf, who got her first choice, University of Liverpool for her PMS.

Breathing

I'm finding my way back to sanity again,
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there.
Take a breath and hold on tight,
Spin around one more time,
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm,
Trying to identify the voices in my head.
God which one's you?
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive,
And break these calluses off of me,
One more time.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.

I don't want a thing from you.
Bet you're tired of me waiting for the scraps to fall off your table to the ground.

'Cause I just want to be here now.

It's quite a sad thing to see. Everyone trying help one another, but no one is helping themselves, even though that is where the real problem lies.

Sat

Wow it is already October the 26th. ICA on the 14th. Finished one round but can barely remember the facts. ARGHH. To make things worse I can barely remember anything lately, and I've been so clumsy in my life before >_< Am I getting old, or have I got a disease?

Frustrating. Everything is so damn blur now and I keep mixing up stuff. Like ovarian tumors and breast tumors. And the thyroid neoplasms. Roar!

It's as if I have some sleeping sickness thing. Same goes to the gf, who has been lying around the whole evening/night sleeping, waking up to eat dinner and watch TV. Hahaha.

I miss you.

And I still love you :'(

I will be here for you, waiting.

Don't worry.

McD

What a dramatic day. And a tiring one too. Woke up at 7am to get ready to go to the kidney dialysis center in KL. That's when I noticed that my left calf was hurting terribly when I was exerting any force on it, be it standing or walking. Choosing to ignore it because I was running late, I took my shower and met my group mates in front of IMU. We were getting to KL by LRT.

Now halfway thru' the ride on the LRT, I felt a progressive stabbing pain on my left chest, and it was radiating to my upper left arm. I was thinking, "Fuck now I got myocardial infarction." The pain stopped a few seconds later but I was freaked out, but then realised that the chances of a deep vein thrombosis in a 20-yr old male is extremely rare, let alone it leading to pulmonary embolism.

So after going around in a circle - literally - we found the place. The sister in charge gave us a history of the place and the organisation, and started to show us how dialysis was done. I never liked needles, especially when it is stuck into the patient's arm *shudders*, but what happened was unprecedented to me. We were feeling one of the patient's arm for her A-V fistula when I started to get weak in the legs, got dizzy, cold sweat and warm around the neck region. Fucked again I thought. Gave an excuse to the sister and went to 7-11 and bought a drink. Felt better thank God.

So diagnosis? I sure hope it is just because I didn't eat my breakfast this morning so it'll be easier that one feels dizzy in sight of blood on an empty stomach. Better than MI anytime anyday.

Studies have not been particularly good. Relationship going thru' a little bit of a bump, plus have been very tired these few days. Sure wish things were back to the way they were. Give it time, yes. But sometimes, time doesn't heal everything. But sometimes it does too. Let's hope it is the latter huh.

Lazy Saturday

Somehow I can see the end of the tunnel. But where is the light that normally shines from there? Does this mean my job is done here? Am I done here? Was yesterday a brief shimmer of hope or just a desperate attempt to safe everything before the inevitable apocalypse hits home?

Ah I am coming undone.

Plus the repro system must be charged with murder soon - it's killing me.

Hauntings

Life is tough.

Life can be cruel as well I know.

Time and time again it has proven to be true.

Tired of just being nowhere, lost and wandering.

Why were emotions created anyway?

Wanna jump up to the skies of gloom.

Maybe this time I'm never gonna come down.

Maybe this time I don't need to anymore.

Wouldn't life just be perfect then?

Maybe it will be.

Without the worries in the world.

Without any sense of insecurity.

Without chasing the sands of time.

Without fighting and senseless deaths.

Maybe one day it will all come true.

Let's just pray it wouldn't be too late.